We are human beings wired for short cuts. This means we want to take short cuts wherever we can. It’s nothing bad, it’s just the way we were designed.
Knowing this means you can better understand how to fine tune this human being body you are in. How do you fine tune this tool so it works better for you?
For starters your need to realise we are habitual beings. We will form habits. Habits we become addicted to. So you can establish habits that work for you and that becomes your way of fine tuning this human being body you are in.
I want a better body, get in shape, get fit. What habits would you need to create in order to fulfil on this commitment? Eat less and do more exercise? But this alone is not going to help you create new habits.
For me, habits are also linked strongly with what you are most committed to. Your inner ding, your higher purpose. Why do you want to get fit?
What has happened in your life that can help you to realise what is most important to you? Have a look and review what has happened to you that will give you the answers.
When it comes to getting fit: who are the people around you that become your role models or people you aspire to be?
What did they do to get where you want to be? What do you need to do to get there?
And then you need to start. Somewhere. Anywhere. Just do it Nike says. So find your new habit. Start committing. Turn up because you said you will. Get out of your comfort zone because you said this is important.
Never ever back down. Turn up. Do your time. Find magic in what you’re doing. Be present to all the things that are most important to you. Flood your thoughts with intentions and affirmations - you’ll find ones that work for you that you’ve collected over time.
For me, everything happens for a reason. There is no one else, but me. If not me, then who? In terms of grabbing my goals by the balls and just going for it!
When you set your mind to something. You have to keep being your own cheerleader. You can’t allow yourself to get distracted. Everything is a distraction wanting to tempt you away from that which is most important to you.
You have to recognise everything is a distraction and you have to say to yourself, how can I turn this around? How can I re-establish the habits that work for me? What can I do more, better, different, less to get back on track?
As I’ve said before, the mind is tricky. It wants you to be distracted. It wants you to fail so that it can be right about your failures.
All you need to do is create new habits - ones you know you will serve you. You need to trust yourself more. You need to be your own champion.
You don’t need the approval of others. You don’t need their permission. You don’t need their recognition or acknowledgement. What you need to remember is it’s always your personal best you are striving for.
You know if you are stuck in distraction because it won’t feel good letting yourself down and breaking your vow to your commitments. You’ll know if you are out of integrity meaning that you haven’t honoured your word. You will feel shitty.
So make a new commitment and stick to it. We are perpetually distracted. This is the way we were designed. If you can get distracted easily, then with a snap of your fingers, you can equally get back on track.
What is the inner battle?
It is unscrupulous, it can, if you allow it, sneak up on you.
Its related to the fast decisions we make within milliseconds about what is going on in and around the world before us.
Its our filters. And if we are not careful to preview these filters, we actually can and will become disabled and debilitated by our very own thoughts and feelings.
You see for all its faults, the movie, The Golden Compass, did reflect one very good analogy of our "disappointing self" versus our "diamond self".
Put another way, our ego self versus our healthy self? Use the "label", that best fits your understanding. I usually never could associate ego with understanding so I like the description of disappointing self. You might like to research some more until you find the description that best resonates with you.
Its always and often referred to as ego, shadow self etc.
You know this self, its the one that plants the seed of doubt within you. Even in the absence of any evidence, will try to convince you that you are a failure, incapable, full of flaws, flawed.
Conversely, the diamond self is the one who is your cheerleader, your greatest fan, your number one supporter, your creativity unlocked and unleashed.
The inner battle, is the battle between these two invisible powers. Who will win?
If you allow the disappointing self to run riot, without first previewing the stories that pass through your filters, it will surely win.
Then you will need to be careful because it creeps on you without you realising.
One foolproof way to convince yourself is to test what it is you're saying and ask yourself but who said this and where is the evidence?
I have a statement that commonly arises in the inner battle moments: what did I do wrong or I didnt do anything wrong? It’s not my fault, it’s my fault.
You can pay attention and observe closely. Be an observer and a witness much in the same way you notice nature. You’ll catch your own versions of these statements.
Further more everything is virtually a distraction. A distraction from what you are really committed to. That’s what I’ll be writing about next time so watch this space.
First tip from Aladdin the Disney cartoon movie, “beeeeeeeee yourself”.
You create a space for fun by being yourself. It has taken me forty years to realise this so I’m not surprised if it might take you this whole article before you’ll at least consider giving this a go.
Children are wizards and masters at play and fun. That’s like their hidden addiction. Let’s play mum.
In many ways, having fun is also about letting go. Letting down your guard, pulling down your barriers, letting people in.
There is a vulnerability and a sense of transparency when you’re having fun. It’s usually very clear if you are having fun from the outside and on the inside your mind will be clear, you’ll be in the present moment, enjoying yourself!
If you have to try and remember: when was the last time I had fun then that’s a worry and we need to start inserting more fun in to your life, starting now!
Fun doesn’t mean fun at the expense of others. Fun for me means everyone can join in and feel comfortable and safe.
Also everyone has their own register of fun. But Im trying to think of the times when I haven’t had fun, it’s usually if I am in the company of others I have no love or affinity with.
Increase the love and affinity, increase the fun? How? I’m assuming you’re asking me this question right now. You have to get to know people beyond the surface conversation. Getting to know what drives, motivates, inspires a person is getting to the heart of them. You’ll soon realise you have much in common with them and you’ll create love and affinity. Not just people but you. Get to know you!
You don’t earn love and affinity, it’s a creation by you.
Well if we use that same theory for having fun then, it’s a creation by you!
In many ways it’s one of the first affirmations or intentions we put out to the universe without ever realising it. “I’m going to have fun”.
You forget that you say this, the minute you receive an invitation. By the way, I am a yes person which means I say yes to all invitations. You just have to invite me and I’ll say yes. By virtue of seeing an invitation and being a yes person is because I know I create my world. The minute I see an invitation my affirmation or intention “I’m going to have fun”, rises up automatically created by me but nonetheless because I’m so used to this new habit, it becomes lost in my thoughts and forgotten.
Until I get to the location where I remember “I’m going to have fun”. On second thought, I probably say it many times in the lead up to an event. Viewing the menu, “I’m going to have fun”, talking with others about it “I’m going to have fun”.
Where do I get this from? Is it nature or nurture. I think it’s influenced by my upbringing, my parents. Definitely. They were all about having fun growing up. Their fun literally was tearing up the dance floor. So if that’s not your kind of fun that’s ok, but what is? You have to know what fills your cup of fun by experimenting.
What activities fill my cup? Sitting under a tree? Watching the stars? Taking the dog for a walk? Playing with the cat? Watering the veggie garden? Going to the market to find more plants for home? Going for a run? Cooking or baking when you don’t have to? Reading a book? Taking a snooze?
There are some things you need to keep for yourself so that you can recharge and reenergise. It doesn’t mean you’re being selfish, especially if you can kill two birds with one stone - getting a chore done at the same time?!
You need to know what all of these things are. You need to make sure you glitter your week with the things that are going to keep you sane. Find them and voice them to your family or loved ones. I’m doing this, if you want to join or help you have to do it exactly as I show you how, ie silently and still. If you don’t want to join or help that’s ok but just know that I enjoy the silence of this activity so please don’t interrupt me. Set a timer or give them a time on the clock and put a do not disturb sign around your neck if you have to, especially if you’re still hanging around at home.
In the mornings I have a distinct ritual of quiet. I have to remind the children of this morning ritual everyday. I don’t know why, but I just love the silence of the mornings. By letting your loved ones know this about you, they’ll soon learn how to help keep you sane too.
When it’s time to insert fun - you’ll know exactly how and what to do now, because you’ve established a foundation for listening to what is important to others, what is important to you.
Having fun is not overrated. It’s just like brushing your teeth or hair. You have to insert a little fun in to your life, in any way you can. Life is too short not to. Remember when you were a kid? Imagine being that way now even as an adult. If other people can do it you can too. The only thing that got in the way was the burden of responsibility. If you could re distribute at least some of the burden, you can replace it with a bit of fun!!!!
Like anything that you try brand newly, there is a little hesitation, maybe even fear, but then once you’ve made your daring and bold choice, it becomes something you tick off your bucket list and away you go.
I love food. Not surprisingly because I grew up in a multicultural family where food was the centre and heart of the home.
I grew up being raised in and around food and business. Maybe you know what this is like if either of your parents passed down the recipes of their parents and so on? Or they worked with their bare hands to make a living for your family?
I grew up in and around food markets. So this weekend jumped at the chance to visit a food market. It’s not just a fresh fruit and veg market but one where street food is the hero.
Have you ever been to Singapore, Malaysia or Indonesia? Maybe Thailand or Vietnam? The street food stall, hawker style vendor where you’d wander past think to yourself what is that, it smells amazing, then dare yourself to get one?
Well we were taken back to that experience, a long way away from those places but it felt just like it.
How does it feel though when you move past your fears and try something new? Doesn’t it feel amazing and you are rewarded then with not necessarily saying you are the master yet but it feels pretty damn close to being a master - master of your thoughts and feelings anyway. If you had listened to hesitation and fear, you’d have never tried the yummiest thing you’ve ever eaten!
The thing is - it’s infectious also. So if you say it’s yummy - guess what? by word of mouth and by your way of being the person next to is bound to want to have some of what you’ve got? Why? Curiosity? But also they were there watching you savour the experience! They trust and believe in you! So give me a bowl of that Pad Siew now. Funny because a week ago you didn’t want to try this dish in the restaurant? But because you saw me eat it in front of your eyes and I shared with you word for word exactly what I was experiencing, you wanted what I was having!!!!
Human beings are interesting characters. They want the authentic experience. They want the real deal. I believe you have the power within you to create the world around you. I made a daring and bold choice to try a dish I wouldn’t normally try just because it looked yummy. I had no word of mouth recommendation. I trusted my inner intuition and gut and put aside my hesitation and fear.
The more practiced you become with this, the better at it you become. Do it daily and every moment. Put aside your hesitations and your fears and find out for yourself exactly what is available, what are the possibilities? What have you been allowing yourself to miss out on? What could be possible for you?
You just never ever know until you try. To market to market to buy.......
You remember the saying don’t judge a book by it’s cover.
Well I’m pretty sure it’s backed up with you never really truly know someone unless you connect on a more deep and meaningful level.
You see people in and around our worlds are curious. There is a facade and an act. But what is under the exterior? Beyond the book cover that we are not judging? How do we begin reading the book? Without first turning the pages?
Or put another way, how do we open a doorway to finding the real, true and authentic version of the person?
I believe other people are the greatest keys to understanding ourselves. What we see in others, we see in ourselves. This can work in polarising ways or it can work to promote what you already think and know about yourself.
People are not scary and distant, they are full of all the same concerns, worries, anxieties as you. They are full of the same hopes, wishes, dreams as you.
Imagine getting to know someone brand newly in and around your circles. Just put aside your judgements, assessments and opinions. Get to know them for the sake of getting to know their humanness. Who are they as a human being in the world?
Listen as you ask open questions being interested in the person, in what ways do you share common ground?
It will eventually unfold and will even surprise you just how much you have in common. That your motivations and inspiration in life is very similar, that your stories from your past are very similar.
Launching from here you will feel connected. Perhaps even forgive yourself for misunderstanding the person in front of you in the first place.
Our very first perceptions of someone cannot be trusted. We use our fast brains and use short cuts, looking through our filing systems for someone like you. Then we make a match and lock it in, like “guess who” the game.
This is why we have to put aside the things we think we know. Perhaps be curious and ask ourselves how do we know that? We actually know nothing until we ask the someone and get to know them from a safe place of authenticity.
Just consider how much you will miss out on if you don’t try. You might miss out on finding out authentic friendships have been right under your nose the whole time.
Well, what did you choose?
If you’re like me you want to hear the bad news and finish with the good news?
So let’s do this.
First of all, everything that’s ever happened in your life is a construct or creation by you. Hold on that’s starting to sound like good and bad news.
Good because logically you know you have created the interpretation, the perception, the point of view.
Bad because, damn! that means I have to be responsible for everything that I have created?!
So the bad news is really that depending on how you grew up and your upbringing, these constructs or creation by you may have been tarnished by situations or circumstances that for whatever reason were beyond your control.
Think of a movie for a moment. In the movie there are central and side characters. In your movie of your memories, YOU are the central character. Imagine if you caught a glimpse of the spin off movie of your side characters? What might that story tell?
No matter what happened to you, you can rewrite your ending. You can rewrite your moment within the movie You may not be able to change what happened in the movie overall, but you can change how you felt, thought, sensed in that moment.
I know this because it has worked for me to relive my childhood trauma memories and release the conversations I needed to have as a child. I found peace by being brave and courageous to take the first step at healing myself with the help of a psychologist.
But I’m also realising that everything in my life is impacted by those moments. It’s time to let go for the sake of both the inner child and the version of me right now who is walking this planet.
Otherwise she would be stuck in this vortex or in this old movie where the same thing replays over and over and the inner child is stuck, stuck in pain, stuck in suffering. It’s time to let her be free, be safe, be everything she is and wanted to be.
You’re not doing it for them. You’re doing it for yourself.
You have the power within you to overcome any obstacle and any hurdle. I trust and believe in you. Please feel free to reach out, although I’m in Australia I can point you to any services you may need.
Try to look after yourself and listen to your own concerns about you.
The good news really is you have the power within you to let this go. And remember you create everything in your world so from now on use your power for good, be intentional and clear about what you are creating moment to moment, knowing those old movies are just that old movies, moments in the past that you can now say don’t define who you are but have shaped you in some way to become the better version of you today.
I’ve been super busy and I wondered why I haven’t been able to tap in to my intuition as frequently as I normally have been able to.
I realised it’s because my machinery is back in play. What is our machinery? We are meaning making machines. It means we are on auto-pilot, perhaps even sleep walking through our lives.
There’s nothing wrong with this but what happens is you are at the effect of life instead of being the cause in the matter of your life.
Imagine creating and manifesting intentions and thoughts that serve you and serve the possibilities you want to step in to? How would life show up?
The easiest way to describe my machinery versus my intuition is via road rage. You have an almost automated response to a situation on the road where you feel like you are in the right and they are in the wrong, you might have a whole conversation with the other driver, who by the way can’t hear you, and swear and make facial and hand gestures in order to make yourself better (aka machinery) OR you say I have a duty of care, and I care about my neighbours, for the moment this car in front of me and this driver is my neighbour, please make safe decisions right now, and I will also make safe decisions right now. You might wave a different hand gesture that says it’s ok, it’s alright, no harm done etc, you calm the person a little knowing they have other fish to fry and other problems in their lives, just like you, you appeal to heart not just your mind, aware your thoughts create vibrations not just your verbal communication and that whatever you put out will manifest. Knowing this means you want to put out good thoughts (aka your intuition or put another way the creation of your intentions).
Try this very simply, notice what you say to others in the morning, good morning how are you. When you leave you say have a good day. It’s to a degree force of habit, but notice your thoughts when you say these things and notice if your thoughts are actually congruent with what it is you say. If they’re not congruent just notice what it is you are thinking about. Where do the thoughts come from?
Now try again with a different person or on a different day, this time you’re going to intentionally send your intent via both your thoughts and your verbal communication. You’re going to send a metta intention may you be happy, may you be free from suffering. You don’t know this person, you don’t know this day. It’s going to be the first time and watch to see what unfolds.
You can literally practice doing this every moment of everyday and you’ll begin to hear the whispers of your intuition grow louder because you’re beginning to honour yourself and your word.
Try meditation too but really be present. Be present with the breath. The minute you notice yourself drifting don’t make yourself wrong just come back to the breath. When I’m meditating properly I can feel tingles in my head and through out my body.
Afterwards I’m able to think more clearly about what it is I want in my life. I get clarity.
Imagine having more space in your mind to freely create the things you want for and in your life? It’s almost a way to archive the things that don’t serve you and restore the things that do.
What if you don’t react to reaction? What if you can be in the moment and not have the answer, focus then breathe and the answer come to you naturally? Not forced. No pressure. Relaxed and calm you become enlightened by your own wisdom and power within.
I know it’s possible because I’ve done it, just like riding a bike once you learn balance, you can never forget.
Try quietening your thoughts so you can begin to clearly hear the whispers of your intuition.
Do you find yourself people watching?
Do you wonder, what’s going on all the way over there?
Well that’s just a sign of your curiosity in to the nature of what it is to be human.
Do you ever stop, sit still, notice your environment and the sounds of nature around you?
Do you ever just sit and observe the ant who joins their family of ants, the flower, the rock, the tree?
That’s another sign of your curiosity but this time in to the nature of what it means to be here, sharing this life with these living organisms. What can I learn from them?
For me, trees are simply fascinating. They have a story to tell.
I feel like they’ve been here for so long - much longer than me. The story they tell are lessons for us.
I stand here and all I can do is observe. Observe the landscape before me. Observe the coming and going of birds and their nests. Observe the coming and going of humans in their homes.
When it storms I have no cover, I hold still and wait for the storm to pass. If the storm damages my branches, this becomes the way I am in the world - bruised and I must go on.
When there is a fire I have no cover, I hold still and wait for the fire to pass. If I’m charred, this becomes my new skin in the world. The world will now recognise me in this new skin, maybe not knowing what I looked like before.
As each day passes I’ve learnt to accept. Accept what is and what isn’t. When it’s windy, I dance, I savour the cool breeze while it lasts. When it’s sunny, I take my tan. Growing something new with each ray of sunlight. When it rains, I shower and drink in abundance. The gift of rain reaches my roots and I share this on and on with my neighbouring root systems.
You see we have much to learn not just from nature but from the people in and around us.
If you wonder how he or she is feeling wonder no more: hello how are you?
How can you acknowledge the someone before you whether they are with you or serving you in one way or another?
Be present. Just like a moment you are one with nature, be one with people.
How can you express the sentiment thank you for who you are in your way of being?
Say it with me: thank you for who you are. You’ll find the words for the setting you are in. As the words pass through you - send them a metta intention - may you be happy, may you be free from suffering. Give them you me best energy and smile, your loving kindness.
Smiling at strangers turns them from strangers to neighbours of the world.
Just like the trees, we’re all in this together. Who knows the small difference you made in smiling and making someone’s day?
Just like the trees, everyone has a story to tell. Under our bark, is our vulnerability, and we will discover we are much more connected than we ever realised before.
Open your mouth and connect with another human being by just asking open questions. Be with them and acknowledge them for who they are exactly as they are.
Practice with a tree. Then practice with a human.
You’ll soon see. I am you. You are me.
Please share what opening up for you, what thoughts are now arising?
We’ve been given this challenge.
A challenge to understand others. A challenge to understand ourselves.
Since I was very young I didn’t know it at the time, but I was always working on myself and my mindset. Reading books on mindset, watching inspiring tv shows or movies, taking the “quotes” from people in my life and using them as personal affirmations. Allowing myself to be influenced by my grandmother’s “songs of praise”. Writing in a journal almost daily to bring my mind to zero, and consequently getting to better understand my mind!
Have you ever considered how watching and observing the people around you as you grew up also gave you clues to understanding yourself - but if you didn’t have many good role models, all you might have seen are the bad role models but you were still learning something about the nature of human beings. When I say bad what I really mean is people who didn’t know any better because they only knew what they knew and could only behave from their cup of knowledge.
I came to know understanding yourself is the key to understanding others.
Fundamentally we are all the same. We are all human beings, who have had unique and varied experiences but for the most part, we’ve all got the same kind of mind, that operates in pretty much the same way.
To know yourself, you will know others.
Put another way - I am you, you are me. This is about empowering you to find a way to empathise with others. You don’t have to believe this statement yet but imagine for a moment, I am you, and you are me. Imagine your life experiences were my life experiences, then you would know me inside and out? You wouldn’t have to ask me a single question. The knowingness is because you lived that life, and therefore you understand me in that life.
So now imagine I am me but in my life, what do we share as common ground? Ultimately, we are exactly the same - same beating heart, complex mind, thoughts, feelings and emotions.
We might be influenced by different mediums, different people and some people are much more self aware than others. We are all on a journey to better understanding ourselves and others are further along than some.
Taking a growth mindset view means we realise we are all learning, we’re all flawed, we’re all looking for safety, connection and belonging, and our mind have the capacity to learn and grow and change. Knowing this means we can release some of the pressure we put on ourselves to be a certain way or that we can only be a certain way and not another way.
Our being tells a story, it can be described as our non-verbal communication, our state, our undelivered communication. You see as complex as we are as human beings, notice we are human beings and not human doings.
Did you know our thoughts have a direct impact on our ways of being?
As you become more self aware, you’ll become aware of your state, and your ways of being.
Giving ourselves the opportunity to ask ouselves how does this make me feel? Expressing our feelings is not something we are good at, especially if our parents or guardians weren’t very good at it. Well I’m speaking for myself when I say this. I’ve had to learn through trial and error, maybe it’s the same for you?
However, we are not going to express our feelings to anyone we don’t feel safe with. That’s a given and the norm. But what if we could be vulnerable and honest with others about how we’re feeling without feeling as though our heart is free and open and out in the boxing ring, with no cover? How can we do this without feeling bare?
We have to give ourselves permission to decipher what is really going on within ourselves. We have to become an observer. Much like we would observe others, we have to become curious enough to observe ourselves in the good, bad and ugly moments that arise within us especially. Those tell us more about ourselves than the moments when we’re happy. It’s called light and shade, contrast, where you are both sides of the coin.
Those moments are revealing. There is nothing you need to do except for slow down and observe.
The other way to look at this is to see that what we see in others, must be something we see in ourselves or we have seen in ourselves. And we have to become more convinced that our eyes and ears deceive us. What if you could suspend your perspective for just a moment, is it possible to see something brand newly?
Remember our brain takes short cuts. What if how we have perceived how a person shows up, what a person communicates, is not their intention or what they meant to say? What if we only see what we want to see? If we have decided something about the person or people around us then they can only ever show up that way. Can you see beyond the communicated to the intention?
Imagine suspending your perspective long enough to be curious, have empathy, and then is it possible to maybe see something else?
May I request your permission to see something brand newly about yourself in this moment?
Here is the other clincher......What if our perceptions of others are also a microscope to understanding ourselves?
There’s a whole world right within you.
What it will take to uncover that world is for you to recognise what is most important to you. Light a small spark and let it grow.
When you begin to make intentional action to shape yourself in to the person you’ve always known yourself to be - a few things will happen.
You might start making time for yourself, investing in the things that you love to do.
Bit by bit you are building new habits which will become your new normal.
As you start to know yourself as someone who can dream and have passions, can overcome any challenge and obstacle, knowing yourself as someone who turns themselves inside out to achieve their goals, you will know you are capable of more than you know and as someone who can do anything.
Your passions, dreams and goals have always been with you, maybe you want to take bold action with them. That looks like turning what you love in to the way you earn your income to support a life you want.
By the way the life you want might look different too and that’s ok. How do you want to spend your days? Imagine waking up and being solely in charge of how your day goes? Being free to choose? Empowered to choose?
Working hard is not the challenge or obstacle - you know what working hard looks and feels like. You put your best foot forward in anything you pursue so why wouldn’t you put your best foot forward to pursue your passions, dreams and goals to create an income to support your best life?
Your best life is your best days rolled in to every single day.
Waking up loving yourself and loving your life is not unattainable or unachievable. But you have to be willing to fight for it. It will be uncomfortable only at first because you’ll have to say things out loud you’ve never said to people before. You’ve said it in your head but now you will be better at communicating your needs and wants in a way where people will hear and listen to you.
Why? Because you are loving yourself and your life. There is a level of accountability and integrity you owe yourself to honour your word that you will create your best life - for you.
You will stay true to your promise but you’ll also try to choose the path of least resistance. Which means life the way you used to know it will keep slapping you in the face to make you stay in your comfortable zone.
Stepping out of your comfort zone takes courage, effort and commitment. You need to know why you’re doing this and your why needs to be able to wake you up out of your sleepwalking everyday.
If your why is not yet strong enough to do that, you have to keep looking for your why. A why that gets you moving towards your dreams, passions and goals and it ain’t letting any barrier, challenge or obstacle get in the way.
You are relentless towards achieving what you say you want.
You know you can break through the barriers because you’ve set up little goals such as pushing through mental barriers - maybe it’s a workout or running a 5klm, a 10klm, bike rides where somehow you’ve empowered the kids to get the family to exercise, empowering your kids to resolve their own problems,
Maybe it’s finishing that project in and around the house that you’ve waited years to do. Maybe it’s finally reading the books people have been recommending to you and you’ve heard people talk about? Maybe it’s making meditation a daily habit? Maybe it’s baking or cooking?
Whatever it is - you feel accomplished that you can achieve whatever it is you set out to achieve - letting the little spark grow!
Hi my name is Angela. I have loved writing since I was able to hold a pencil in my hand. I soon learnt I had a gift of connecting with my ancestors through writing before my 30th birthday.