What or who is holding you back?
You might be more than a little surprised that it’s not what or who you think is holding you back from pursuing literally anything and everything you want for yourself and your life.
Let’s start small with amazing relationships with my family and friends.
If this is what I want, I am the creator and therefore I am at the source of creating the relationships I want.
If they are not quite there yet, guess what? Everything other than “amazing relationships”, will show up because I have zeroed in on this is what I want. I’ve become aware of an area of life that is significant and important to me.
I’m also going to become very aware of what works and what doesn’t work in each of my relationships. I’m going to take 100% responsibility for the way the relationship is or isn’t.
So I am noticing and I am aware and here goes.
My relationship with my mum and dad is the basis or foundation for every relationship in my life.
Every single relationship falls in to are they a character of my mum or are they a character of my dad. Now the funny thing is it has nothing to do with feminine or masculine energy, it has to do with the way the relationship shows up.
You may not be able to see this just yet. The first request you will make of yourself is to be self aware and have self love.
The key statement that has helped me unlock understanding and empathy in this area of my life called amazing relationships with my people, are the affirmation statements "I’m worthy and I deserve".
By having them be present in my life, the way the world presents itself to me is different.
I’m able to see things I haven’t been able to see before. The uncovering of blindspots.
I saw that a disconnected and withdrawn relationship with my dad is as a result of a story I have held on to that I’ll never live up to his expectations. And I’ve been subconsciously trying to prove myself to live up to other people’s expectations of me, not realising the person I was trying to get approval from was my dad.
I’ve been acting like it doesn’t matter if I don’t have a close relationship with my dad even though that is what I want. My desire to prove myself to him is so strong and it’s actually what has me left with feeling not so close because every time something happens between us I’m viewing it through a filter of the past. The actual filter is “he doesn’t love me because I’m not good enough” is the conversation from the past.
I have so much great evidence to support this statement but the problem is as a child this statement may have been true for me at some point but I didn’t say this out loud, I said it quietly and in my head and I made a quick decision, which had me withdraw.
I even remember an incident of seeing my baby sister sit on his lap, thinking to myself these thoughts which was actually an interchange of dialogue, a whole conversation in my mind, why can’t I sit on his lap too?, you’re too big now, don’t ask to sit on his lap, don’t show how you feel, just grow up. All my internal voice.
You see what or who is holding you back is YOU.
The you that was lingering in the background, talking to you, from a place of wanting to protect you from pain was actually the thing that has caused you the most pain. The issue isn’t that something happened. Lots of things happen, It’s just that the you inside was directing the show, without you really realising it. Now, you have to rewind and unwind where all of it comes from.
My relationship with my mum has certainly transformed. But I got to see something really important through this transformation. If I have become my mum, both the good and the bad, I am still the creator and I can transform the things that don’t work. If I can do this so can my mum. Or have I been saying if my mum can do this so can I and I have flipped it to if I can do this, so can my mum.
I have been trying so hard to be heard and listened to. But imagine a child trying to get both their parents to listen to you. However this is my experience, parent a is busy, busy, busy, don’t interrupt me I’m busy. Ok. Person b is speaking another language, oh well can’t talk to them, I WILL JUST TALK TO MYSELF.
Oh my goodness. Ground breaking stuff.
I will just talk to myself. It’s ok I will just talk to myself. I will just talk to myself. I will listen to you. I will talk to you. I will be there for you. Etc and little wonder a three or four year old talking to a three or four year old is not always giving the best advice guys. It can only give the advice of a three of four year old.
He loves me or he doesn’t love me, she loves me or she doesn’t love me. Fundamentally every single thing a child is concerned about is this. As you get older it becomes a little more complex with the addition of learning more language, “he doesn’t love me because I’m not good enough”. "she doesn't love me because I'm smart enough".
So I have got to a point now of being able to put to rest the inner child such that they don’t have to do the protecting any more. I just speak up and express myself and say how I feel in the moment.
Sometimes the other person is not going to like what I have to say. But I know it doesn’t serve me or serve them not to speak my truth. I’m in a really good place now to even be able to say exactly what I mean and exactly what I want to say without a blurred line.
Now that you know what or who is holding you back is you, what is possible?
Remember you can’t see your blindspots, until you shift something within you. When you become introspective and only looking within will the answers arrive.
For my relationship with my mum what I see possible is for her to give up her own story of everything I do is wrong, nothing I can do is right. For my relationship with my dad what I see possible is for him to give up his own story of no matter how hard I try, I’m not good enough. Equally, I give up my stories.
See the science of introspection works when you’re willing to be introspective, you can see all that works and doesn’t work for you from within and then you’ll even begin to see the line between you and the other person. You’ll begin to see what is your part and what is another person’s part.
For my relationship with myself what I see possible is giving up the story or the interpretation or the layer of listening, the veil of perspective, that comes from the past. The inner child, the little voice, who quickly interferes and in the moment disables you. Disables you to some kind of failure.
The little voice can rest and will be acknowledged for sharing. Acknowledged for being there. But the contents of what it says is emptied to a vacuum. So that the void can be filled instead, with possibility.
When you were a child, something happened, you got upset or sad and your parental figure did or didn’t do the right thing to help you to identify a way to resolve your pain on your own.
Likely, they did what most parents do and just give you a hug. Or what else did they do?
Over time, all the ways anyone thought they were helping you to resolve your pain, became your patterns and programming.
Imagine a world where when anyone experienced a breakdown we started with the fundamental question how are you feeling, recognising that the human being is capable, able and not lacking in anything to identify the source of their own pain and suffering?
Through communication, the child can identify how they are feeling and articulate themselves through words, expressing their emotions. Which later become the foundations of being able to express themselves in every moment.
How does an adult, essentially an aged child. A grown up do the work? When something happens now we over complicate it. Imagine if you were a child, how would you feel? Go there, ask your inner child how are you feeling? Let them get their words out, be the parental figure you wanted when you were a child, be open and willing to hear what your inner child has to say.
When you are truly listening you can help yourself heal. You just need to listen to him or her. Nothing added, no judgement, he or she will come out only when he or she feels safe, and he or she will come out for you or for anyone he or she feels safe with.
It is a truly privileged and remarkable moment to have with yourself. It’s even more so to be able to be a space for others.
How are you feeling?
Imagine if you recognised others instead as mirrors, as reflections of you.
How would life occur now? What would you do with this new information?
Just picture the object of a mirror. The mirror itself reflects the visual you.
People don’t reflect the visual you. When others are dealing with something, grappling with something, authentically sharing about the things that stop them in life, you will resonate with a part of their story, and you’ll see the very thing within yourself that has you stopped in the same way.
It might not come to you right away but whatever aspect that resonates with you most will speak to you and you’ll see access to a freedom from that which had you stopped before.
When you’re beginning a self discovery journey, a pathway called I’m willing to look within myself to work on myself and transform the things that don’t work for me or don’t work as well as I’d like them to in my life, then everything around you will begin to shift.
Imagine you were swimming one direction of the lap pool, kicked the end edge of the pool to turn, the water follows you doesn’t it?, there is some resistance at the turn at first, but once you get momentum, a flow, the water follows you?
In this way when you start to transform those things that don’t work for you, your journey involves bringing the people in your life along with you. At first, you are changing before their eyes. but it’s still you. At first, change can be painful.
Here’s the thing...
You should be becoming a better version of you, the best version of you.
But you do have to be honest with the people around you to let them know exactly what you’re doing and what you’re committed to such that they are touched, moved and inspired by your goal of transforming.
And you also have to be aware that you will still be human along this journey to transform yourself and your life. What I mean is you don’t just drop your ego just like that. Everything takes practice.
When change is knocking at ego’s doorstep, ego will tantrum more, just like a child, who is going through the withdrawal symptoms of you no longer giving in to tantrums - the negative attention that the child thinks it wants.
So when our focus is on us, we can only see us. When our focus is on others, we see them but we also see ourselves through them. It’s tricky but ultimately have your focus over there with others and it will give you so much access to freedom.
You will have much more grace, forgiveness, compassion, empathy for another person than you will for yourself. You will see all the things the other person is capable of, even if they don’t see it for themselves! Your focus on others is a gift.
What will reflect back? Who knows? You need to start with knowing it’s about your transformation but then you need to finish knowing it’s not about you. A very strange concept but when you’re ready to learn more reach out. I’m always here for you.
Just by being you
Did you know it’s possible to create a business around just being you and the things you are most passionate about?
I remember when my teachers asked me to think about what I might want to study when going to university, because they told us, "you’re going to be studying for a long time, you should choose something that you're really interested in".
At the time, little did I realise, it would be close but not quite close enough.
I studied journalism, public and media relations thinking that because I loved English and writing that would be the right degree for me.
Now, when I look back I can see how flawed that whole process is. But because I have that degree, I can also draw upon everything I learnt.
Nothing in your background or your past is a waste.
It was all leading you to this place.
It was building you toward what you really want.
The difference now is that you are thinking more about what you really want against a background of that wasn’t really what I wanted.
You’ve just got to make the fundamental shift which is less thinking about what you don’t really want and more manifesting what you really want.
Along this journey, what I have appreciated the most, is getting out of my comfort zone, and in doing so I have learnt a lot about what is me and what is not me.
By letting go of the parts of me that diminish my own listening of myself, I have come to trust myself and tell myself that "yes, you can have what you really want, through finding yourself".
Being myself and making money from being myself - how exactly is this possible?
Let me tell you how. Your journey is unique. When you get really clear on who you are, your purpose in life, everything starts to materialise.
The more you work on you, the more you get to become much more insightful and recognise what is intuition and what is not.
At the same time you also need a platform to take action, a platform to learn, a platform to grow, a platform to share your strengths and skillsets, just as you are, right now.
The who that you are right now has a bucket load of value to provide. You could be someone who is already in a work or business environment delivering coaching to grow the people you are leading. You could be someone who is so inspired to make a difference in your communities, you are already up to stuff creating projects, collaborating with the people in your life. You want more time to do the things you love, and less time doing the things you don't love.
Learning is the fundamental foundation of all organisations and businesses. If you’re not someone who is great at learning, you have to be someone who learns through teaching others, because one way or another, we are always learning. It's inescapable, learning gives us access to almost anything and everything we desire.
My kids are learning sign language, my sister is learning swing dance, my brother learns to draw, my dad learns guitar, and my mum and I are learning the art of creating an online business from scratch, monetising our passions through digital and affiliate marketing.
The skill of passing on the learning is what makes you a leader. This skillset is exactly the reason you will go on to be able to create a business and much more around just being you.
Start here start now.
The opportunity of connection
You might never know who you meet along this journey called life, which interactions will make the most difference to you?
In this post I want to share with you that I found a community of people equally travelling the same learning and online business journey.
Before I found the learning platform I share through out this site, I had been pondering about people who operate from collaboration versus people who operate from competition. It was innately within me to know the power of collaboration but I struggled with how it showed up in my life and work environments. Mostly, it showed up as competition, and often I would reflect upon it later to realise this.
I was probably less then 12 years of age when I connected different concepts but at the time I didn’t know how to communicate it. I wondered why if we were such a big family (my dad is one of ten and my mum one of six), we all had these specific yet different skill sets, why we didn’t just create one big company and all work together?
I parked that thought for many years after working, getting work experience my parents would call it, getting another job etc
This year, through discovering the learning platform, my vision is being realised and coming to fruition. But the family I thought I would be creating this with is not my extended family but my immediate family and the new community I now embrace as my broader family.
I used to yearn for a mentor or coach I could trust. Trust is so important. I now have multiple mentors and coaches and feel I am in a safe space to share the things that I feel stopped by and able to get freedom and access to keep moving my life and businesses I’m creating forward.
What is so unique about the community is that we all have our own unique experiences to share, we can generate ideas together, we can help piece together the pieces of the puzzle of creating our own niche businesses, seeing different things and sharing things we learn or things we can see are possible.
But it’s not just limited to our online businesses either. We are genuinely there for one another like your family would be for you, and this is people who live right across the globe. Their relatedness and rapport comes from knowing from within: "I’ve been exactly where you’ve been and although I don’t know quite your specific circumstances; I get you".
Having this kind of support network when running our bricks and mortars for the past twenty five years would have made such a difference. But it is never too late. Now we get to share our milestones, share our best practices, warn others of the pitfalls, warn others to be prepared to learn, to get themselves out of their comfort zones and to adapt.
The real beauty of connection is being brave enough to say hi first, being brave enough to know you have no idea the difference this human being in front of you will make to your life. Being brave enough to trust yourself to reach out and connect. Then it’s about listening for the gold, listening for compassion, listening for the possibility in another.
What can arise from one connection is so much. You are learning about another person, but you are learning so much about yourself too. Especially if the connection and your communication is authentic, real, honest and raw. Imagine you could be your real true self always with every single person in your life?
This real true self is capable of so much more than what it thinks it is. Through collaboration and connection, you multiply the possibilities. What an amazing opportunity to live life in this time and place.
We have these gateways to one another and when used for higher purposes and for good, mobile phones, laptops, computers are just ways for us to genuinely connect.
My ancestors took much longer to write a message and send it and for that message to be received and impact a community might take years upon years. This is the opportunity of our time, just as I’m doing now, I can share a message and it will reach people in milliseconds.
If I want to, I can connect with anyone from my community, it’s not just a static message though, it’s interactive, it’s heartfelt, it’s genuine, it’s real.
I have participated in so many different self development pathways and platforms and what was missing was accountability for one another.
What I mean is that literally everyone is committed to everyone else’s success. We almost want to help others more than ourselves. Why? Because when we help others, we get to see what we’re really made of, and that’s the access to discovering who we really are in the world.
Although reaching out and connecting will feel surreal at first, you’ll pull your walls down, you’ll be yourself, you’ll realise for far too long you’ve had this mask or act and you’ll drop it. You’ll know you’ve arrived home.
That’s the opportunity of connection.
Evidence for your limiting beliefs
It really doesn’t take much for you to listen to the critical voice in your head and then allow yourself to become disabled by it.
I know because I myself am challenged to watch and observe the micro decisions I make about myself on a daily basis.
Yesterday, something happened and I made it mean something about me. I began to question my own credibility and authority.
I basically lost touch with generating who I really am in the world for myself. I started to honour the little voice in my head.
What this does is has you question literally everything you do. You keep asking yourself questions that will lead you to the lurking critic within.
This is extremely dangerous and damaging. Your inner critic does not speak the truth that is a match for the present moment.
It is a version of you from past experiences when things didn’t work out and tries to process information from this past experience as opposed to assessing brand newly for this new experience.
Here is what you need to do.
Pause and reflect outside your own head.
Write it out / Speak it out - Keep a journal or have a trusted coach or mentor who can help you get out of your head about any conversation that doesn’t serve you.
Exercise - even taking a brisk walk in the moments after you feel stopped but make sure you focus your energy on the brisk walk as opposed to thinking more on what had you feel stopped in the first place.
Meditate - download a guided meditation, the Waking Up App is amazing for this. You only need ten focused minutes.
Distraction - literally any distraction from your thoughts will work whether that’s making yourself a cup of tea or coffee and really focussing your energies there, not far away off in your mind.
The moment when intuition and creativity arrives, you can be introspective about where your mind went that had you feel stopped or stuck but in a scientific way observing the pattern or the program at play.
Eventually you will have a list of commands or statements that you regularly make about yourself. None of these are true and not relevant to the present moment.
Take on a growth mindset that says "I’m open, willing, coachable and curious, im learning everyday about myself and about the things about me that aren’t working, where I feel stuck or stopped".
These are opportunities for real growth especially if you are rigorous with yourself.
Really stop and take a moment to think and be grateful for an amazing mind that can sometimes get its wires crossed.
What is affiliate marketing and how it opened up the way I think about all kinds of marketing
It’s the year 1995.
Mum and dad launched our first family business.
A fish and chip shop - one window of fish and chips and the other window with Indonesian dishes.
Back then, sales and marketing was simply “sales and marketing”.
Our takeaway food shop was located in a major shopping centre.
The shopping centre promoted itself to bring customers in. They also helped us with promoting our “offers”.
We had to compete with hundreds of other shops in the centre to get their attention and buy something from us.
What were our “offers”?
Our offers were special deals. We would quickly brainstorm. Print, snip and either letter box dropped or sat on our front counter. The offers were vouchers stating they could be claimed within a limited time. The customer would be tempted to bring back the voucher for presentation, happy to be getting a really good deal.
We could count the number of offers/vouchers used - as customers returned them. We would know how popular or not the offer was.
We paid an exorbitant amount of rent, we could barely cover the costs of running that business.
I was 15 at the time went to school, did my homework when I could and spent every ‘spare’ moment, working in the shop, helping Mum and Dad.
Fast forward to 2020.
We have access to a multitude of platforms and ways we can put our 'offers' in front of our ideal customer.
The problem isn’t the access to the number of ways. The problem for most entrepreneurs and those starting out with an online business, well really any business is "where do I start?"
Logically and in the beginning for our restaurant, Mamaku Street Food, Mum and Dad relied on me to launch our online presence.I did all their marketing, I was the go to in the family for everything "marketing". I had a degree and one time, I designed a wine bottle label as part of my degree. Mum and dad helped me at the time and so that's how I became the "go to".
In the beginning, being new was the reason customers would come and find us and try us out. Which at first was a great strategy. My sister is an interior designer and with the small budget mum and dad and my brother had, they furiously moved from imagination to creation of the cosy little corner shop in CLAYFIELD as it is now known.
But a few years on and subletting the restaurant to another family. Our helping hand turned awry. And the restaurant landed back in the family’s hands albeit with 12 months of back rent.
But for us, we battled on as we always have, seeking out the question: "what is the life lesson for our family? Will we ever learn? Why are we so trusting and generous? When will the time come where we stop working hard all the days of our lives?"
And "do we stop believing in the power of what’s possible? Or do we keep believing?" We started to build from scratch our business and it’s following with a slight name change, restoring an online presence. But it was literally like we were starting all over again.
During this time, my mum found a digital marketing learning platform which had opened her mind to the opportunity of online business. She shared this with me but I shook it off at the time.
She spent 18 months talking to me about affiliate marketing and at the time I was listening to her but not really hearing her.
What is affiliate marketing?
In a nutshell (let me out), it’s referral marketing.
It’s the promotion of another company’s products and or services, and the receipt of a commission in return.
My mum, husband and I have all worked in real estate in the past. It’s essentially no different to working with and for a client to sell their home or properties and receiving a commission in return.
Being an ex banker and home lending manager, it’s also no different to the writing of a home loan, similar to the way a mortgage broker will write a home loan for their client and get paid a trailing commission from the respective banking institution for writing one of their products.
You’re not just handed the commission on a platter though, are you? There is a mutual understanding that you are being rewarded for your hard yards, your marketing ability and ability to attract a new customer, or repeat custom with an existing client.
What is your ideal customer for the property? How will you write up the property description to appeal to your ideal customer? What channels will you use to promote the property? How will you monitor the effectiveness, essentially to know if you are on the right track? How will you keep communication channels open for both your prospective buyers and your seller? How will you get to know what your buyer wants and identify their buying signals?
In the case of writing a home loan, you are responsible for understanding what your customer wants, what’s important to them and how you’ll set them up for success by matching them up with the right bank and the right loan to suit their particular needs. It’s a long term relationship if you get it right. 30 years in fact.
When it comes to creating a business online, or even enhancing your online presence for a bricks and mortar business, understanding the mechanics of affiliate marketing can get you a leg up on the competition and on all kinds of marketing.
And in February 2020, I had the epiphany my Mum had been waiting for which was to connect the dots between the opportunity of the learning platform and our bricks and mortar and my passion for writing.
I realised that what the learning platform provided was much more than affiliate marketing but training around being effective in the way you tell your story, build your list, promote your products/offers, and tell more of your story.
What was even more amazing about the training was how it shines the light on the sheer volume of opportunities available online.
I soon learnt there were many options and many affiliate pathways. But most channels won’t tell you how to be effective. They tell you, yes you can be an affiliate for us, give you a personalised link and off you go.
The opportunity of a platform like mentors, is you receive tailored guidance on the pathways and channels that will most suit you and your talents, skills, knowledge and abilities.
For me, it’s like this you can get a casual pass to the gym. You can buy a 7 day membership to the gym. You can buy a yearly gym membership. Then if you are someone who knows exactly what you want and when you want it, you’ll get a personal trainer, who will tailor the way you use the gym, maximising your time at the gym and showing you how not to hurt yourself, how to do the exercises correctly etc.
The mentors platform is a membership base and there are a number of ways you can get started on learning about everything related to maximising the digital footprint of your online business even if you don’t yet have a business or dont know where to get started.
The unexpected surprise with this platform is its community of like-minded driven and committed individuals who are all at different parts of their own journeys, some leveraging affiliate marketing while others focus on their own niche markets. All give back to the community learning, doing and teaching things they learn along the way. What that provides is an honest, raw, real, authentic space, and people growing within that space to realise their own potential.
Hi my name is Angela. I have loved writing since I was able to hold a pencil in my hand. I soon learnt I had a gift of connecting with my ancestors through writing before my 30th birthday.