I took the kids for a day out yesterday but at first it seemed like one tantrum after another, starting with my own.
Every Saturday, I have started to go for a run with my cousin. We do an arbitrary 5klm. It’s chill. It’s zen. It’s two adults. I thought given that I’m on a pathway to getting closer with my kids that I would invite them to come along. I also knew there are benefits for them being active and burning off energy as well as spending time with me. Last week, the eldest came along and I learnt then from my coach that in order for the kids to be willing participants, I’d better make sure they have fun. Their kind of fun, not my kind of fun. My kind of fun was running as fast as I can to get a good workout. What the kids want is to just be with me. There would need to be a level of compromise or a laying down of boundaries to help both parties get what they want and need. So yesterday the youngest two came along. I didn’t think about it yesterday, but the dynamics were out. Remembering, it was one on one last week, and this time it’s three on one. I did visually lose my patience getting ready to go but it’s all tied into the breakdown of an upset. An upset is created from the following, it’s probably both but often times it could be one or the other. Thwarted Intention - for a child, this is I had a goal in my mind and I didn’t get to achieve the goal Undelivered Communication - for a child, this is I really wanted to say something but I didn’t even get to say what I really wanted to say or say something else that communicates the end result not my thinking and feeling that constructed the end result So the goal I had in mind for myself was to leave the house by 6.30am. The other goal I had in mind for myself was all three kids to come along with me, enthusiastic and engaged. By 8.30am I had all three kids ready to come along with me but I felt late and out of integrity with my cousin. I hate being late and out of integrity. Also, I felt the kids were easily distracted, not doing as they were asked, so in the next breath I chucked a tantrum. As adults, we don’t tend to refer to ourselves as a tantrum but I’ll be honest and authentic. I was not happy Jan. The middle child would not be get in the car. And what ensued is what I would call a dance among wolves. Finally, I stopped the mindless chatter. It’s all the voices of your past. I then asked the two who were in the car with me, “What can we do right now, we need a leader to step up and we need to all be leaders right now. “A leader is someone with empathy,” I said. “Empathy means I have understanding for the way you feel. But we also need to find out how we are all feeling. “Who wants to go first to talk about how they’re feeling? We each took turns to share how we are feeling. I said, “this is a safe space and whomever is talking it’s one voice and two listeners. Then we can move on and think of new ideas how we can approach this together.” That moment was pivotal for starting our day. I said, “I’m feeling frustrated because I had an expectation we would leave by 6.30am. It’s now 8.30am and I feel upset for my cousin who has been waiting now for two hours for us. I feel frustrated because I made it mean that when my kids don’t listen to me, they don’t love me. That’s a story by the way, it’s not true and it’s not working for me. Also, I was looking forward to spending quality time with you.” How I can do things differently from now on is if I say I’m leaving at 6.30am I’m just going to leave no matter who is ready or not and who is ready can come with me and who is not ready does not need to come with me. I can come home and we can do something together after my run for those who were not ready. Then we went back to pick up the middle son and something happened between the eldest and the middle son. They all got in the car so we had the how are you feeling conversation. Through the day each person went through a number of spaces. It felt like I was dealing with tantrums all day long but in fact they were learning opportunities. At the end of the day, I asked the kids to rate their behaviour against a rating they use at school. In other words, if they behaved like that at school what would the consequences be at school? I then developed a not negotiable list but realised again I need their buy in here so they’re going to need to contribute their own not negotiable list and we need to see if both parties are on the same page or not. In doing this work and asking the eldest how can we prevent what happened rather than try to fix things after it happens? We googled EFT emotional freedom techniques. I had remembered that a member of our learning community had shared about this. We decided to use a karate chop right hand on left hand to tap and say a version of the following phrase: Eldest: Even though I have this anger, I deeply and completely accept myself. The phrase always has to refer to yourself it cannot refer to someone else. Middle: Even though I have this upset, I deeply and completely accept myself. Me: Even though I have this frustration, I deeply and completely accept myself. We didn’t ask the youngest but I will today to see what will work for her. I’m going to guess the following as it has come up a lot for her in her communication of late. Youngest: Even though I have this annoyance, I deeply and completely accept myself. So if anything today has been a triumph over the past because we have the building blocks for strategies we can each implement for ourselves and eachother. I had to realise I don’t need to do it on my own. I do have a team. My family is my team. I can be a leader but I don’t always have to the leader. Anyone can show up, at anytime. My goal is to acknowledge it when it does show up.
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She is you, your inner voice.
It’s not the surface stuff you want - freedom, more time, more money etc Have a really good look at what it is you really want. You have visions and dreams and goals but you just don’t know how to make them happen. How to bring them to reality and to life. You didn’t let yourself think it was possible in reality. Why? Because you didn’t want to let yourself down. You didn’t want to have an expectation that may go unfulfilled for the rest of your life. Nay, it’s worse. You didn’t have ANY expectations so that you could avoid the feeling of being unfulfilled for the rest of your life. But guess what you ended up with anyway? The feeling of being unfulfilled. Funny that. How life works. So here is a lesson in the mechanics of manifesting what it is you really want. Get real with yourself. Address your own story, your own block, your own barrier and say ok let’s try another outfit on, a different filter, another pair of sunglasses. This time, those glasses will be called, “Anything I want for myself and my life is possible inside of being true to myself and inside of asking for what I really want.” Next you really have to let yourself let go of all the versions of your conversation that says it’s not possible. Now just ask for what it is you really want. But write it down. You are creating this in reality. You are calling it forth. Everything will start arising in the pathway and direction that you truly want. People will show up. Opportunity will show up. You’ll see things differently than you did before. The world has not changed. You have. When the intention is true. If this is really what it is you want, the universe will hear your true wishes, wants and desires. But she will only give you what you’re ready for. You have to tell her, you are ready. Or she will put you through your paces because she is testing to see if you are ready. I know this because I have experienced this myself. When you face things head on rather than avoid them, you start to see that the things you think are happening to you, are actually for you, in service of the life you really want. Can you see it yet? It’s ok if you can’t, you might not be quite ready to ask for what you really want. You might need a little time to think about what you really want. You’ve stored these beautiful gems way down deep in a treasure chest of your heart. And it’s me asking you to unlock the chest and dust the gems off and let them shine. No one has ever let you do this before. You have never let yourself do this before. When is now a good time, to unearth the hidden gems?
Let's do this little exercise together, obviously, you will need to think about your own answers to these questions to see what is in your own way. All you need is a pen and a piece of paper, you could use your phone and type in your notes but its really important to think about it and diarise what is going on for you, helping you move forward to get the things you really want in your life.
What is the story you have about money? I have a story called "Money, there is never enough". What is the pay off of having this story?(Put another way, what do I get out of it, there is some kind of pay off I am getting for keeping this story alive) I pretty much get to be a victim, right? I am at the affect of this story. I can't see money any other way when I have this filter, this view, these sunglasses on. And its such an ultimatum. Its final. Its finite.
ALWAYS and NEVER are finite
What is the impact on myself or others of having this story?
For starters, I know for a fact that I avoid opening envelopes knowing there is a bill inside. My mum used to do this and still does. She even shares that she intentionally does not pay her bills on time, because she is juggling the number of bills she has and also she uses the overdue notice as her actual bill notice. There is no make wrong in this conversation by the way, we are in safe space, telling the truth, considering the what's so about our relationship with money. Next, I am imagining there is a certain way I talk about money with my husband and in front of my kids. I probably do something like this, "do we need that?" "is it a want or a need?" "put it on your birthday or christmas list" or I avoid the conversation all together, which means I am missing opportunities to teach my kids what they need to learn about money. Third, I dig my head in the sand, so I don't even know the facts about our money situation. To the point where I still have not lodged our tax return from last year and this year's lodgement is upon us.... Fourth, I deprive myself of luxuries or enjoyment, putting others needs first before my own. During Covid-19 we probably all did a bit of this. I will give an example, I would do my nails for special occasions only, I used to get my hair done (this means cut and colour) but started to cut back to just a cut (during Covid-19 no haircut whatsoever, I bought a hair dying kit but still haven't used it yet). I used to go for remedial massages, now I have reverted to physio (not the same and it's probably moved from the luxury category to the essential category). Fifth, have a think of if like me, you put something in the luxury category but it actually sits in the essential category aka health and fitness.
Remember, if you have a budget, it means you record everything and you forward plan the likely spending both your essential spending (mortgage, utilities, phone. transportation) and your luxury spending (things that make you feel good, and have you living the life you want to live).
DID YOU KNOW THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH HAVING AN ULTIMATE GOAL AROUND MONEY THAT SITS OUTSIDE OF YOUR EXISTING ESSENTIAL + LUXURY SPENDING? ITS CALLED MANIFESTING THE LIFE YOU WANT. If it was represented as percentages of 100 being the manifestation of what you really want (this is just an example, for you, imagine there is no ceiling!). It would look maybe something like this: 50% of your current income - essential spend (what you already spend) 50% of your current income - luxury spend (what you already spend but if you are like me didn't even want to acknowledge it) 100% of your current income (i.e. double what you currently earn) - manifest spend (i.e. I have never had this income before, but I am creating what I want in life by actually visualising it in reality - how much would that new car I want cost? how much would that new phone I want cost? how much would that holiday I want cost? how much would that caravan I want cost? and breaking it down against your existing income and your existing expenses and creating a new column called manifesting the income to support the manifest spend.
The funny thing is in one of my previous jobs I was a banker and I knew then there are two types of people in the world - the saver and the spender. Early on in our relationship I identified that we were both spenders so I reverted to being the saver otherwise known as the "bad guy" "the person who has to say no" "the depriver" etc insert relevant label for you. But perhaps it was just more evidence to support my story "Money, there is never enough".
Here is the homework, if you're really committed to creating the life you want. Every single expense needs to be tracked, every fact about your income and your expense needs to be tracked. Every new exciting manifestation or goal you want also needs to be tracked. Then you will be left with maybe three things: 1. The facts about how much you earn. 2. The facts about how much you spend. 3. The facts about the gap between what you currently earn and what you want to earn. Whether that's through passive or active income. And if you're like me, I'm going to guess, you will want it to be passive income, not active income, because if you're like me, you're time poor. How on earth am I going to create more income from where I am sitting right now? Easy, you have to think outside the framework you are thinking from within at the moment. Then, like me, you'll have the facts and you'll have a vehicle to bring what you really want for your life to fruition. Learn more about the platform I share, that gives you the opportunity to identify your hidden skills and talents, how to market and monetise those skills and talents, as well as the systems and tools to make it all come to life.
Writing is my access to my inner soul, source, spirit, creation whatever you want to call it.
So I shared that I reached out to Boy George in yesterday’s blog. I wanted to provide something for him, make a difference to him. Doesn’t matter if you’re a global superstar there are still internal conversations that may have you feel stopped. After all, we are all just human beings. This morning I received an epiphany. If I’m to write this parenting book with my coach and I believe it’s never too late to live the childhood you want, then we can also invite contributions from human beings willing to be a contribution to humanity, to share the triumph over their childhoods to pursue their dreams, goals and passions. Not just any triumph though, triumphs that live inside the context we’re creating. Let’s create this context: parents who were once children themselves will be reading this. It’s never too late for them to live the childhood they want. It’s never too late for them to provide the childhood they want for their own children. I’ll speak on behalf of humanity when I say these words: I looked up to you more than I looked up to my parents. I’m not saying my parents were in any way bad but as a child, I wanted to be inspired, I just didn’t know how to wrap the words around why I watched or continued to follow certain people in the world. You inspired me when I was younger and you continue to inspire me today. How did you overcome your barriers, blocks and challenges to follow your dreams, goals and passions? When you share your story take us right back there so we are right with you at those pivotal ages 5,12,17? Where you cement certain stories about yourself. How did then break through those. How did you break through the inner game, as Michael Jordan would put it. He mastered it time and time again. When you write your story it will move, touch and inspire you but it also has the capacity to reach every child on this planet, with your story and with your help. The goal is the children who need this the most will get this and all of the teaching and sharing of the doing and all of the messages within it. It has the capacity to “heal the world, make it a better place, for you and for me and the entire human race.” I know it’s corny but just like music and song is a conversation with the world, this book will be a conversation with the world. This book isn’t about external barriers. This book is about internal barriers. Looking forward to reaching out to the idols I still look up to today or for them to reach out to me! Wish me luck
The idols I grew up with are stars in their own rights, but reaching for the stars points to our ability to reach for our goals, be brave, be bold, no matter what.
And so Im sitting here on my tv watching the voice with Guy Sebastian, Delta Goodrem, Boy George and Kelly Rowland. I saw something on screen and felt compelled to reach out grab my phone and message Boy George via Instagram. Wow for starters that we can do this, whether the message gets to him or not. What I saw for myself around what I saw for Boy George is that he is this amazing role model, among these other amazing artists but there is still an inner voice that gets in the way, even for someone who seemingly is at the top of their game. And he represents someone who has overcome so many challenges but in some way these challenges make him who he is today. “When I watch you on the voice I want to share something with you. You are not less than. You are amazing. There are many unique people and all the coaches on the voice represent the unique voices. I’m just learning to see people and the things that stop them. I have caught you watching Kelly with some kind of conversation about being less than and I know that’s not who you are but it’s the conversation that holds us back and stops us. The inner voice in our head. Xxxx “ It got me to thinking that through out our lives there are a number of people who leave an impact on us for whatever reason. While these are idols who come from tv, video, movies and music, is there much more to learn about what these people represent for you and what you want to dedicate your life to be about too? Are they clues? There was definitely always something about them that led me to keep following them, their careers and their life journeys. Growing up I replayed Grease, mesmerised by Olivia Newton-John for her singing and also for her story. An Australian making her mark in the world through her acting as well as her singing. In following her career, as an adult I feel moved by her humanitarian ventures more than her acting or singing now. Her commitment to humanity in what she provides to help others to recover from cancer even though she suffered from cancer herself, it is her selflessness to help others that inspires me. I reached out to Olivia on Instagram when my sister was creating a project around PCOS and she hosted a no lights no lycra dance session. I shared a message with her via Instagram. I guess that was the first time I realised I can actually reach out to whomever I want to, whenever I want to. This world we live in is actually more accessible and connected than you know and despite my not reaching these idols right in this present moment, I know one day something will happen because I have big dreams and ideas in store waiting for partners to forward the difference I want to make in the world and who knows these idols might be the ones to help me and partner with me. I still love singing the grease lightning mix and it’s also been the key to discovering I love singing and music. Next is Jamie Oliver. We watched him as a family, at home from that first episode of The Naked Chef and that was pretty much it. He was real, authentic, fun and accessible. What I was inspired most by was Jamie’s commitment to growing disadvantaged youth through cooking. His commitment to humanitarian ventures shines through both the fifteen restaurant and Jamie’s ministry of food. When his ‘empire’ looked to be falling down I reached out. Again, via Instagram. Here is what I shared: “I read the article about the rise and fall of your empire - im sure you’ve hired experts all around you. I have been my mum’s branding expert from a young age. With every single element you have touched YOU were the brand. The people want to experience YOU - either your cooking or your presence. It’s the same for my mum. The distinct difference of you versus others is you want to make a difference to the world. Mum does too. I’ve tried to tell mum when you set menu prices you need to cater for all budgets, everyone deserves to eat out and have a special experience regardless of how much they earn. I’ve also shared that when we cook for ourselves we get bored so its the same for our customers. I believe people did not see the value in paying $ for pasta. I believe people wanted to see you and or eat your cooking (of course you cant be everywhere). Integrate your business so you can hit multiple initiatives with one stone ie your book launches at your restaurants etc and create special events. Also it’s probably time for a movie as you have achieved a lot and please dont let this bump in the road impact you as we watched you from the beginning and you’ve been part of our journey - you are my go to whenever I want to find a recipe and my kids now have the pleasure of watching the naked chef. Your gold is making the unaccessible accessible! Keep your head up!” Here is what I can leave you with. When you ask someone for what you want you have to be brave enough to reach out and just ask the words. You have to keep being brave and keep asking in more than one way til you get there. What you really want for yourself, for your life and for the world is not out of your reach. As I tell my children now you can be anything you want but you don’t have to be just one thing. That’s why it is so hard to answer the question what do you want to be because it’s not just one thing. I want to be like Boy George - brave enough to be unique and brave enough to overcome all of my barriers and challenges. I want to be like Olivia Newton John - brave enough to sing on the world stage and give back to the areas of humanity that don’t work. I want to be like Jamie Oliver - brave enough to be myself, discover and harness my hidden talents and give back to the areas of humanity that don't work through my hidden talents. See these are clues and crumbs and the only way I got here to this place and this kind of thinking was through a platform that helped me see that in being more of myself everything I’ve ever needed is right inside me.
It is perpetual, ongoing, loud and constant.
It’s the voice in your head. It is the one making comment, judgement, assessment, analysing, interpreting, everything going on around you and sometimes this voice takes on a life of its own. Mine has been loud overnight and this morning. I’m not receiving the enlightened messages normally as I would or am I? This is because when you fill your mind with more of what your inner voice is already saying there is no room left for enlightenment. What do I mean by this? When you speak the things your inner voice is saying already, you are perpetualising the content of information that doesn’t work for you. If the inner voice says I’m stupid, and you say that out loud, you believe it more and more. You’ll know if it doesn’t work for you because you will feel a certain way. You may feel stopped, powerless, with no freedom and you’re not a full expression of yourself around this matter. It doesn’t work for you when you feel resigned and cynical about this matter. It doesn’t work for you because no matter what you say about it you still feel stopped. It’s not moving you forward and it’s not growing you. We have become so attuned to believing the inner voice and the things that don’t work for us that it will take some work to lose this habit. You may even feel comfortable and safe with this inner voice but trust me it’s tricky and while, it was there initially to protect you, now, it’s time to unleash it and have you realise you can have power about anything that you feel stopped by. Some of the words it uses is I can’t, I don’t, I’m this or that. It’s a perceived failure of you or a command you’ve made of yourself, to prevent a perceived failure of you in the future based on the perceived failure of you in the past. The failure is only in the perception you have of the situation or circumstance. You can drown the inner voice or you can fuel the fire. It’s actually a choice you have within you. It can initially take effort and time. First, you have to acknowledge it’s there and that sometimes that inner voice doesn’t work for you. When it’s loud you can have a conversation with it, just as you would have a conversation with a child. It’s weird but don’t knock it til you try it. Keep a journal at first maybe as it might be easier to catch the things your inner voice says on paper and read back and reflect on it. Hey what’s going on here. What’s happening for you? There is some unresolved stuff I get that but we’re working through it. You don’t have to fix this or change this or do anything really. You don’t need to protect me. In fact the people around me care about me and we are all in the same boat paddling the same direction. Im doing the work I’m unravelling all of the stories, all of the fast decisions you made in that flash moment. I’m not honouring the things that don’t work for me anymore. And I’m ok with being a sound board for the things you say but I will take only what works for me, inner voice. Affirmations can do wonders but you have to be able to see them, in reality, in front of you, in paper, to interrupt your thought patterning. I receive affirmations daily and I’ve been flooding my brain with them for the past two years at least. I’ll be sharing some of my favourites with you soon - watch this space. Do this little exercise. Just listen to the sounds around you. In the morning is best. What can you hear. Listen to your breathing in and out and just be present to the sound and the miracle of breathing. When your inner voice goes haywire this is when this kind of exercise will really help you. Slow down and breath. Quieten the chatter. Be present to the moment right in front of you and take it exactly as it is with no extra meaning or filter attached to it. Being present is often the way babies are when you see them. They know no other way to be. This is where we need to learn from them put language aside and be like a baby again.
Yesterday my middle son who is 9 and a half nearly, had a breakthrough in communication around his feelings.
In the morning I got some coaching which I won’t cover every element but this part alone. I’ve been avoiding parenting my youngest two, thinking I’ve got the job done on the eldest and the eldest being a role model will get the parenting of the youngest done. Convoluted but authentic and true of the me before coaching and before seeing what there was to be seen. So, the middle son was crying and upset and I witnessed what was going on. I thought there’s more to this. Remember I took on being more curious and inquisitive to all of my children. He was being teased about having a girlfriend by his older brother (the brother is 10, turning 11 in August). Most times I would have just roused on the eldest because of the emotional reaction of the middle son. He was crying he was upset therefore eldest son MUST have done something to hurt his feelings. This time, I stopped and I observed. I took the middle son aside and asked him what’s going on. What’s really going on here. Finally he reveals that the older brother did this before: teased about having a girlfriend while they were online playing a game. I said ok so what happened? He explained what happened, listening intently for the language and the undelivered communication under the language. Everyone laughed at him and his brother turned the game off. What did you make it mean about you. I asked him in a number of ways. What did you make it mean. It wasn’t getting a response so I switched it up and shared a story from my own life. When I was little I liked someone but I didnt tell anyone because I didn’t want them to tell the person that I liked. Then one time at camp everyone was telling me someone else liked me. I didn’t know how to say I don’t like them without hurting their feelings so I just felt upset that everyone was telling me that someone else liked me. I also felt bad for the person who did like me because if that was me, I wouldn’t have wanted everyone to know and tell me either. He then started to share he didn’t want to be laughed at. He felt ridiculed. He felt picked on. Most of all hurt by his brother who is meant to be on his side, and also wasn’t there for him. No one was there for him, sticking up for him at all among his friends either. So he felt alone and not belonging. Not part of the joke but the joke was at the expense of him. I shared the science behind the fast decisions we make moment to moment about the things that happen. He decided something about himself in that moment. We separated the what happened the factual events from the decision he made about himself. When you realise you created the decision you have the power to create something else. I told him I was there for him and we would be able to work on these kinds of things. I told him he had a breakthrough today and I was proud of him. I also made sure he knew we could keep talking about this and also more information I would give to him to help empower him in future when something like this happens again. Now this whole thing takes effort. It takes a commitment to be all the way over there in your child’s world and even I needed to slow down even more to help him get there. I also needed no distractions around me and to be honest there were distractions. It needed to be just me and just him having this kind of conversation. I let him know we would continue working on this but that in saying the words out loud (instead of just the little voice in our head or internal dialogue) - the ones we decide so quickly in those moments when we’re upset, is the key to letting it go or disappearing the upset. This also helped me to see something about myself in the upset I’ve been dealing with in my adult friendship. I decided in the moment of drama, I can’t trust you. It’s something that is from my past repeating and when you listen you have to listen deeply because there is always more much more than the first or surface comment. “I can’t trust you because you don’t love me” the feeling of hurt comes from the comment or the fast decision you make in your mind. In a flash you always decide something there and then but then you don’t realise the decisions you made are actually what is in your way, not what someone else did or said. It was what you decided about what someone else did or said. Not something outside of you upsetting you, it’s you upsetting yourself in the fast decisions you make. There is much more for me to discover about myself around this upset but the point is that everything that happens to us that doesn’t work for us, there is always a fast decision we make that we forget we made in that flash moment. Start paying attention and observing how quickly you make them and then how quickly you can catch them. I saw an article posted in a group I follow and it was about the unattainable pathway of living up to these high expectations of our parents. I immediately thought of everything that is arising around me and wanted to add my two cents so I did. Here is what came to me: Hey guys what about living a created life? one where you are at the source of everything working in your life; all areas of your life; your relationships; your experience of freedom; full self expression and power. When things don’t work they are a clue and a hint and what it will take is for you to take 100% responsibility not as blame or shame or fault but as empowering you to say to yourself I’ve got this. I’ll be the one to create change in this area of my life that’s not working for ME. When I realised for myself and found my own path and found my own purpose, nothing would or could get in its way. However, I have empathy for this person and this article, it’s not ok but the mum is projecting her own insecurities of herself to creating inaccessible expectations of her children. Simon Sinek says of being a leader that the leader is only responsible for the people who are responsible for the job. Translating this to parenting then - the parent is only responsible for the child who is responsible for the pathways they choose in life. The parent gives the child the opportunity to find themselves and once they do the parent gets out of the way xxxxx
This blog has been repurposed from what I shared within the online business mentoring community I am a member of.
How I feel is pure and true for me and I want to share my journey more broadly with an intention to help other people feel empowered in circumstances where they feel stopped or stuck. What I have been doing is avoiding looking at the things that don’t work for me. But I’m also on a journey to finding myself. I launched this journey to find myself through a learning platform (which delves beyond business journey to personal journey and back again). Through the platform, I’ve been furiously at work to develop myself in all of the areas of my life that I feel don’t work for me. Sometimes, within your journey unexpected stuff gets thrown at you and you think it’s not part of your journey. It is these unexpected curve balls that arrive and they will test you. But they are the clues or the crumbs to finding who you really are and what you’re all about. So here’s my curve ball or curve balls. You could say I’ve been absent and generally not present, dealing with myself and dealing with the reality of my life. If you asked me on May 13 if I was ok I would say no I’m not. Today, I can see I’ve had the biggest growth in my journey to date. Even if it feels like you’re not forwarding yourself in life, the personal journey stuff actually is your bread and butter. It’s what makes your journey unique. And it’s where you stand with credibility and can speak from a place of authority. I haven’t got it all figured out but here is what I have so far. Sharing with you first will help me design my journey moving forward so thank you first and foremost that you exist. So first my anxiety built up it was building and building and I felt it. I was not ok. I was on a teleconference and burst into tears. What I got to was a breaking point in my experience at home. Multiple triggers: remote working, remote schooling, three kids under 11, three lots of emotional bubbles well, plus my own and upholding this role of professional/personal mother/teacher/provider/giver of love combusted. Then I asked for help from my family from people I feel psychologically safe with. I took one day for myself to heal. I took a day to get coaching re parenting. When I thought great I’m on the path to succeeding and another blow. We went to a friends for a bbq and my eldest and their youngest got into a physical fight which I broke off. I stood and held my son because I knew I needed to help him to manage his emotions. A lot of drama was happening in and around me. I slowed time. I said what I needed to not in fight or flight mode. The damage is done now though. I have said my piece to try and resolve it but the milestone for me is being able to be powerful in the face of all of this. Whether the friendship remains or not I know that I’m showing my children through my parenting that within my parenting they are always safe, that I’ll always help them through their emotions, I won’t abandon them and leave them to figure it out on their own, I won’t punish them when they’re already punishing themselves, I’ll talk through it with them, I’ll guide them, teach them, share stories with them where they will come to the realisation themselves that there are other ways to deal with your emotions and other ways to resolve conflict. A good friend and the coach In this story and I will be writing a book about parenting. This is not just any book. This is the must have parenting book you needed before having kids but it’s also never too late. Do you want to know why it’s never too late? Because you’re reading this, you’re willing to take yourself on, so I’m willing to bet you’ve been working on yourself to be a better human being, you will be able to use those same skills to be a better parent. You’ve just never looked through this colourful and fun kaleidoscope before. What if told you - you’ll have more fun. More fun than ever before? What if told you, you’ll be the carefree kid you once were every single day. That’s why we say we can’t adult today. We can’t adult because we wish we were a kid again. For the lack of worries and stress. The lack of responsibilities? The freedom? Being carefree? What’s the one job of a kid????.... To have fun? That’s right! That’s it! They didn’t even want to go to sleep because they were having too much fun. They are so excited to get up super early because theyre so ready for the fun of the day. So tell me already! What’s the secret? I suppose you’ll just have to find out soon the how but know that parenting doesn’t have to be painful and a power struggle. You just have to set new rules to a new game they’ve never played before. See you soon to master this thing called being a human being in a role called being a parent but accessing freedom and fun at every opportunity. To my family and friends and all of my people (you’ve all helped me to get to this place in anything and everything you’ve shared with me it’s landed on me and here is where I am at right now xxxx) Since writing this blog, I have discovered more and more about myself. I created these unattainable high expectations of myself. Things around me that were showing up, were just not a match for what I envisioned for my life. I realised, I was the heart of the change. I created the view. I could create another view. I am on this journey to better myself. Im the one who took myself to task, willing to turn myself inside out to create the life I want and the life I want to lead. Everything I wanted was inside of me the whole time. I just needed someone to point the microscope at me and tell me the gold is within and create the context for me through the learning platform, through the collaborative community, through mentorship, guidance, coaching and transparent leadership. The reason I share is because part of my finding myself was also realising I see the gold in others. And in seeing the gold in others I have the capacity to empower others to discover what they want for themselves and their lives. If you want to find out more about the learning platform that gave me access to finding myself just reach out at one or any of the links. At first it looks like everything else you’ve ever seen before. I can attest to it is nothing like you have ever seen before. I was looking for mentorship and personal growth and I found it in an unlikely place called building an online business from scratch.
Inspired by Alanis Morissette’s Ironic.
Let’s look at the words; Hey, I, I Yeah, ah, ah Yeah, I An old man turned ninety-eight He won the lottery and died the next day It's a black fly in your Chardonnay It's a death row pardon two minutes too late And isn't it ironic, don't you think? It's like rain on your wedding day It's a free ride when you've already paid It's the good advice that you just didn't take And who would've thought? It figures Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye He waited his whole damn life to take that flight And as the plane crashed down, he thought "Well, isn't this nice" And isn't it ironic, don't you think? It's like rain on your wedding day It's a free ride when you've already paid It's the good advice that you just didn't take And who would've thought? It figures Well, life has a funny way Of sneaking up on you When you think everything's okay And everything's going right And life has a funny way Of helping you out When you think everything's gone wrong And everything blows up in your face A traffic jam when you're already late A "no smoking" sign on your cigarette break It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife It's meeting the man of my dreams And then meeting his beautiful wife And isn't it ironic, don't you think? A little too ironic, and yeah I really do think It's like rain on your wedding day It's a free ride when you've already paid It's the good advice that you just didn't take And who would've thought? It figures And yeah, well, life has a funny way Of sneaking up on you And life has a funny, funny way Of helping you out Helping you out So this got me to thinking. Do you think that the things that happen in life are fate, that they are destined to happen? Or are you the creator and by virtue of how you show up in the world, you are creating what shows up for you in the world? Well as a graduate of the landmark forum, I think that when you manifest something and visualise what you want for your life, it is essentially like the Alanis Morissette song, everything that is NOT what you want shows up, its just part of the journey. Then the minute you stop wishing on what it is that you want like a pipe dream and it begins to become part of just who you are, something else becomes available and something else arises. Today, the song wasn't playing by coincidence in my waiting room. I heard it and I made it mean that it was playing for me, at the right time of my arrival to that waiting room. That song is from my angry teenager years and while, I didn't receive the message back then, today, the parts of the song that reached out to me were "life has a funny, funny way of helping you out. Helping you out." In other words, if you are willing to look for it, life will unfold for you in your favour. |
AuthorHi my name is Angela. I have loved writing since I was able to hold a pencil in my hand. I soon learnt I had a gift of connecting with my ancestors through writing before my 30th birthday. Categories
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