Do you find yourself people watching?

Do you wonder, what’s going on all the way over there?

Well that’s just a sign of your curiosity in to the nature of what it is to be human.

Do you ever stop, sit still, notice your environment and the sounds of nature around you?

Do you ever just sit and observe the ant who joins their family of ants, the flower, the rock, the tree?

That’s another sign of your curiosity but this time in to the nature of what it means to be here, sharing this life with these living organisms. What can I learn from them?

For me, trees are simply fascinating. They have a story to tell.

I feel like they’ve been here for so long - much longer than me. The story they tell are lessons for us.

I stand here and all I can do is observe. Observe the landscape before me. Observe the coming and going of birds and their nests. Observe the coming and going of humans in their homes.

When it storms I have no cover, I hold still and wait for the storm to pass. If the storm damages my branches, this becomes the way I am in the world - bruised and I must go on.

When there is a fire I have no cover, I hold still and wait for the fire to pass. If I’m charred, this becomes my new skin in the world. The world will now recognise me in this new skin, maybe not knowing what I looked like before.

As each day passes I’ve learnt to accept. Accept what is and what isn’t. When it’s windy, I dance, I savour the cool breeze while it lasts. When it’s sunny, I take my tan. Growing something new with each ray of sunlight. When it rains, I shower and drink in abundance. The gift of rain reaches my roots and I share this on and on with my neighbouring root systems.

You see we have much to learn not just from nature but from the people in and around us.

If you wonder how he or she is feeling wonder no more: hello how are you?

How can you acknowledge the someone before you whether they are with you or serving you in one way or another?

Be present. Just like a moment you are one with nature, be one with people.

How can you express the sentiment thank you for who you are in your way of being?

Say it with me: thank you for who you are. You’ll find the words for the setting you are in. As the words pass through you - send them a metta intention - may you be happy, may you be free from suffering. Give them you me best energy and smile, your loving kindness.

Smiling at strangers turns them from strangers to neighbours of the world.

Just like the trees, we’re all in this together. Who knows the small difference you made in smiling and making someone’s day?

Just like the trees, everyone has a story to tell. Under our bark, is our vulnerability, and we will discover we are much more connected than we ever realised before.

Open your mouth and connect with another human being by just asking open questions. Be with them and acknowledge them for who they are exactly as they are.

Practice with a tree. Then practice with a human.

You’ll soon see. I am you. You are me.

Please share what opening up for you, what thoughts are now arising?

We’ve been given this challenge.

A challenge to understand others. A challenge to understand ourselves.

Since I was very young I didn’t know it at the time, but I was always working on myself and my mindset. Reading books on mindset, watching inspiring tv shows or movies, taking the “quotes” from people in my life and using them as personal affirmations. Allowing myself to be influenced by my grandmother’s “songs of praise”. Writing in a journal almost daily to bring my mind to zero, and consequently getting to better understand my mind!

Have you ever considered how watching and observing the people around you as you grew up also gave you clues to understanding yourself - but if you didn’t have many good role models, all you might have seen are the bad role models but you were still learning something about the nature of human beings. When I say bad what I really mean is people who didn’t know any better because they only knew what they knew and could only behave from their cup of knowledge.

I came to know understanding yourself is the key to understanding others.

Why? How?

Fundamentally we are all the same. We are all human beings, who have had unique and varied experiences but for the most part, we’ve all got the same kind of mind, that operates in pretty much the same way.

To know yourself, you will know others.

Put another way - I am you, you are me. This is about empowering you to find a way to empathise with others. You don’t have to believe this statement yet but imagine for a moment, I am you, and you are me. Imagine your life experiences were my life experiences, then you would know me inside and out? You wouldn’t have to ask me a single question. The knowingness is because you lived that life, and therefore you understand me in that life.

So now imagine I am me but in my life, what do we share as common ground? Ultimately, we are exactly the same - same beating heart, complex mind, thoughts, feelings and emotions.

We might be influenced by different mediums, different people and some people are much more self aware than others. We are all on a journey to better understanding ourselves and others are further along than some.

Taking a growth mindset view means we realise we are all learning, we’re all flawed, we’re all looking for safety, connection and belonging, and our mind have the capacity to learn and grow and change. Knowing this means we can release some of the pressure we put on ourselves to be a certain way or that we can only be a certain way and not another way.

Our being tells a story, it can be described as our non-verbal communication, our state, our undelivered communication. You see as complex as we are as human beings, notice we are human beings and not human doings.

Did you know our thoughts have a direct impact on our ways of being?

As you become more self aware, you’ll become aware of your state, and your ways of being.

Giving ourselves the opportunity to ask ouselves how does this make me feel? Expressing our feelings is not something we are good at, especially if our parents or guardians weren’t very good at it. Well I’m speaking for myself when I say this. I’ve had to learn through trial and error, maybe it’s the same for you?

However, we are not going to express our feelings to anyone we don’t feel safe with. That’s a given and the norm. But what if we could be vulnerable and honest with others about how we’re feeling without feeling as though our heart is free and open and out in the boxing ring, with no cover? How can we do this without feeling bare?

We have to give ourselves permission to decipher what is really going on within ourselves. We have to become an observer. Much like we would observe others, we have to become curious enough to observe ourselves in the good, bad and ugly moments that arise within us especially. Those tell us more about ourselves than the moments when we’re happy. It’s called light and shade, contrast, where you are both sides of the coin.

Those moments are revealing. There is nothing you need to do except for slow down and observe.

The other way to look at this is to see that what we see in others, must be something we see in ourselves or we have seen in ourselves. And we have to become more convinced that our eyes and ears deceive us. What if you could suspend your perspective for just a moment, is it possible to see something brand newly?

Remember our brain takes short cuts. What if how we have perceived how a person shows up, what a person communicates, is not their intention or what they meant to say? What if we only see what we want to see? If we have decided something about the person or people around us then they can only ever show up that way. Can you see beyond the communicated to the intention?

Imagine suspending your perspective long enough to be curious, have empathy, and then is it possible to maybe see something else?

May I request your permission to see something brand newly about yourself in this moment?

Here is the other clincher......What if our perceptions of others are also a microscope to understanding ourselves?

There’s a whole world right within you.

What it will take to uncover that world is for you to recognise what is most important to you. Light a small spark and let it grow.

When you begin to make intentional action to shape yourself in to the person you’ve always known yourself to be - a few things will happen.

You might start making time for yourself, investing in the things that you love to do.

Bit by bit you are building new habits which will become your new normal.

As you start to know yourself as someone who can dream and have passions, can overcome any challenge and obstacle, knowing yourself as someone who turns themselves inside out to achieve their goals, you will know you are capable of more than you know and as someone who can do anything.

Your passions, dreams and goals have always been with you, maybe you want to take bold action with them. That looks like turning what you love in to the way you earn your income to support a life you want.

By the way the life you want might look different too and that’s ok. How do you want to spend your days? Imagine waking up and being solely in charge of how your day goes? Being free to choose? Empowered to choose?

Working hard is not the challenge or obstacle - you know what working hard looks and feels like. You put your best foot forward in anything you pursue so why wouldn’t you put your best foot forward to pursue your passions, dreams and goals to create an income to support your best life?

Your best life is your best days rolled in to every single day.

Waking up loving yourself and loving your life is not unattainable or unachievable. But you have to be willing to fight for it. It will be uncomfortable only at first because you’ll have to say things out loud you’ve never said to people before. You’ve said it in your head but now you will be better at communicating your needs and wants in a way where people will hear and listen to you.

Why? Because you are loving yourself and your life. There is a level of accountability and integrity you owe yourself to honour your word that you will create your best life - for you.

You will stay true to your promise but you’ll also try to choose the path of least resistance. Which means life the way you used to know it will keep slapping you in the face to make you stay in your comfortable zone.

Stepping out of your comfort zone takes courage, effort and commitment. You need to know why you’re doing this and your why needs to be able to wake you up out of your sleepwalking everyday.

If your why is not yet strong enough to do that, you have to keep looking for your why. A why that gets you moving towards your dreams, passions and goals and it ain’t letting any barrier, challenge or obstacle get in the way.

You are relentless towards achieving what you say you want.

You know you can break through the barriers because you’ve set up little goals such as pushing through mental barriers - maybe it’s a workout or running a 5klm, a 10klm, bike rides where somehow you’ve empowered the kids to get the family to exercise, empowering your kids to resolve their own problems,

Maybe it’s finishing that project in and around the house that you’ve waited years to do. Maybe it’s finally reading the books people have been recommending to you and you’ve heard people talk about? Maybe it’s making meditation a daily habit? Maybe it’s baking or cooking?

Whatever it is - you feel accomplished that you can achieve whatever it is you set out to achieve - letting the little spark grow!

Today I worked through the processing of a traumatic memory.

I won’t go through what happened but I will say don’t underestimate the way in which post traumatic stress disorder shows up and trust the process. In this case eye motion desensitisation and reprocessing was how I worked through my memory.

What occurred during was a relay of my emotions, my feelings and my conversations to a point where I could create a positive belief and memory.

When I left I had a long drive home and I got immediately very tired. The psychologist warned me it would be exhausting for me.

As soon as I got home I lay down to sleep. I was awoken to the sounds of my kids. This was abrupt and startled me and so my heart rate was up and I began to get pain in my right side. The psychologist taught me to breathe but also a tapping technique on my upper top lip which I used immediately to calm myself.

A family member rang me and at the end of the conversation said I lo..... I hung up on her by accident before she had time to finish her sentence so I rang her immediately back to say I need to hear that again. she said I love you and I said I love you too and I explained I hung up on her mid sentence and it was rude but that I also needed to hear it.

I began to cry immediately because through the processing of my memory one of the negative beliefs or thoughts created before therapy, was that I was not loved or cared for.

I allowed the experience of being loved to wash over me and receive and accept it. Maybe this is the first time I’ve allowed myself to trust and to receive it.

This experience has taught me that it’s important to ask for help when you need it. You have to realise you’re not alone. If you feel something is not quite right, trust your intuition.

It takes courage to work through trauma. But in many ways I was only ready now, in this moment to actually work through it.

To find peace you may not be able to do it on your own. Especially where you are working through childhood trauma. In the end it will be you healing yourself but you are being guided by a professional.

The first step is to pick up the phone and book an appointment with a qualified psychologist. I recommend visiting your general practitioner even to obtain a mental health plan or using your internal support services through your workplace if they give you an employee assistance program for example. These steps just help you to offset some of the cost.

You are worthy of this investment. It’s time for you to close the chapter on those questions marks you’ve kept in the air.

Am I loved?

Are you someone who is curious about life, about the people around you and the way they navigate their lives?

I have an avid curiosity for what it means to be human. I’m thirsty for knowledge not just from a theory book but from speaking with people one on one to understand what drives them.

You see we all have these moments in our lives where we have faced challenges and obstacles. Each of us has these moments where its either shaped who we have become in good or bad ways.

It either works for us or doesn’t and what I know about the many many people I have spoken to over many many years, I’ve tried to show them a new perspective, a different lens over how they have perceived these moments.

How do you turn something that doesn’t work for you to something that does work for you?

It’s just your point of view. If you limit your point of view it can only ever be one way of looking at something. What if you realised every moment was a learning experience in this journey called life.

What did you learn? Have you learnt how to be more patient? How to be more generous of heart? More kind? More connected? More empathetic?

Why I say these particular phrases is because I’ve been there and that’s exactly the way in which it unfolded for me. You might use different terminology and phraseology but what did you learn about yourself?

My parents fought a lot growing up. Little did I realise at the time how that would impact upon me as an adult. I’m conflict and confrontation averse which means I back myself out of a conversation if I even perceive it’s not going to go well here.

I just can’t see the point in arguing with anyone. In many ways this a good trait to have but I also have resentment because I’m incapable in the moment to say how I really feel or communicate what I really want to say to the other person.

In many ways it’s debilitating and disabling. But because I know this about myself I try to become more aware of those moments and invite myself to observe them. Being an observer means I watch it unfold and break down what’s going on - the process of my thinking.

What I’ve discovered about myself is that I’m afraid of where a conversation might go. But hanging in the conversation for just five more minutes is a strategy that’s as suggest to me many years ago. You can validate another person by acknowledging what they’ve said. You are listening for understanding and asking if how you’ve interpreted what they’ve said is correct.

This gives you space and time to think clearly and logically. To slow down your heart rate in that moment. To cultivate a calm mind. To find what it is you really want to say honouring your own values as well as the person before you.

We have so much in common with another as human beings. Sometimes it’s just about being more interested in another human being beyond the surface, going deeper and beyond the superficial.

It’s about how can I find out what drives or motivates or inspires this individual? Managers can sometimes do this well. But you don’t have to be a manager to master this.

What I know to be true of us all is we are seeking belonging and connection, psychologically safe spaces to express ourselves and to be understood.

Not many of us had great role models in our parents or guardians but over time we have collected role models, teachers, managers, colleagues, celebrities even, authors of biographies or fiction that gave us characters to aspire to.

People who we saw how they operate in the world and we said I want to be just like that.

It might seem idealistic and simplistic but really have a look at all the people in your life who have played a part in shaping who you have become, even the people who didn’t quite get it right in the moment because they were operating from what they knew. Remember we do all have the best intentions but sometimes it doesn’t always land the way we intended.

I’m a parent I stuff that role up all the time.

But I equally know I said to myself I’ll never be like that I won’t be a parent like them. Having heard myself speak realising, I have turned out just like them.

or there’s a way not to manage or I’ll make sure I never speak to others the way I was just spoken to.

There are people in our lives who get it right and people who don’t get it right. Become aware and have a look. With the people who don’t quite get it right, there is still a lesson to learn for us, for ourselves as individuals.

This is where you’ll realise just how much e all have in common as human beings. We are flawed and that’s ok. We’re also very very amazing, capable and surprisingly resilient.

This list we have of things in common is never ending. The more I speak to individuals coaching them, learning about them, the more I discover about myself and realise just how much we all have in common.

"One of the tasks I’ve been set by my psychologist is to find an activity or hobby to love with one intention - to spend quality time on filling my own bucket.

She asked me to list some things I like to do, before I left her at the last session.

I said, "reading. I like reading books." "I'm reading David Goggins, Cant Hurt Me, where he is recalling how he mastered his mind, and broke through his own barriers."

She looked a little concerned about me sharing that I cried when he shared about the realities of the life he lived and endured. As the book unfolded, I thought my life pales in insignificance in comparison.... In other words, I have much to be grateful for.

What else do you like reading she said. I told her I'm also reading Start with why by Simon Sinek, A new earth by Eckhart Tolle among a list of other self-empowerment books. I told her I like to start lots of books but I haven't finished them.

She read my mind in that moment. You don't want to finish them because you're enjoying them that you want them to last and last. "YES!" Maybe you can look at finishing the ones you've started?

What else do you like doing or would you like doing for yourself?

"Salsa Dancing? But I don't want to do it on my own. I've asked my husband to join me but its just not his thing."

You're allowed to do things on your own. It can be you time.

What else?

"Meditation or Yoga maybe. Oh yeh and Park Runs"

Just as a doctor would write up a prescription, she had a little notebook, and wrote up my tasks, tasks for me to investigate.

I have been on the hunt ever since to find activities I can do that are relatively close to home. Last night I came across the idea of aerial yoga accidentally because my daughter has a double hammock that is taking up too much space and I was trying to think of a vertical solution that can be unhinged and put back up when in use, but when not in use, wouldn't take up much space.

The more I looked in to aerial yoga, the more I thought hmm this might be the 'something' I have been looking for. It had piqued my interest in the past but I never followed through on it because the studios were too far away.

Today when I googled I found a studio close to home and thought great! Then I started a hunt for equipment. I was amazed at how affordable the equipment is and how much is available online.

I then also discovered an online resource. It is internationally recognised but also delivers tuition online for aspiring aerial yoga teachers.

I thought to myself maybe in learning the how to, I can also learn how to teach, after all I want my daughter to learn too, and because I want to spend the time learning the how, I am equally interested in the how to teach.

When I was a baby, my mum had me sleep in a hammock hanging in the doorway. I did the same for my babies we used a Nature's Sway Hammock. They are readily available online. The hammock uses the babies own breathing pattern and or weight to wiggle, to rock, to sway etc.

This hammock also helps baby feel safe, secure and snug, almost as if in the womb.

This is what I imagine aerial yoga will also be for us - a cocoon of safety and creativity, for my daughter and I. She loves gymnastics and acrobatics and we've been looking for an extracurricular activity for her too. I think this will be perfect and fit in with what I am also trying to achieve as parent and a mum - different methods of instilling the art of meditation to my kids, to help them to cultivate a calm mind.

I will soon share a link with you on how you can also get involved online with aerial yoga, no matter where you are in the world. And watch this space for what we will be creating from here.

I believe the power of internet, whilst it has its drawbacks, has made more activities accessible and approachable. It just means our geographic location no longer becomes a barrier. The best thing Covid-19 did for us was to show us just how much we can achieve just being at home also. This is one of those activities you can do in the comfort of your own home.

I love to be quite competitive in the activities and hobbies I participate in, which means I want to hang out with the best teachers, coaches etc and be part of the best teams etc. Usually that means you need to go to the heart of the city centre to find the best of the best but now the online world has made it possible or me to connect with the best of the best online without that geographical barrier.

Im excited to have accidentally come across this new activity or hobby that will become my new love.

How does finding an activity or hobby you love relate to creating an online business? Imagine your work and your play time overlapping and choosing to work on the things you love every single day? What if you can choose the type of work you do based on what you love?

Stay tuned. Cant wait for you to hang out with me too.

It’s been a challenging year for all.

I can’t help but feel we were sucked in to some kind of weird vortex and spat back out.

Do you feel that way too? Have you been experiencing some really unusual things?

I guess when you are someone who is becoming more aware about yourself and about the things that are important to you in your life, you start to pay more attention to what shows up.

You begin to think - is this part of a grand plan? Is this part of MY grand plan?

I don't remember writing the script on this one that's all and I surely would have written the script another way - you know one with the happily ever after, and the story line that is too good to be true.

After all, that's how the movies unfold for us, right?

In reality, life is much more complex than just another movie. 

I'll bet you can't fit your life in 3 hours and 30 minutes. Yep you betcha, I googled the Titanic, aka longest movie ever, which took 3 hours and 30 minutes. 

Here's the thing about my complicated life.... you couldn't even have conjured a story this good.

My house was one of many houses in my neighbourhood to be smashed to smithereens by hailstones in the recent hailstorm. Just as covid-19 was unprecedented - this storm was unprecedented.

I am fortunately one of the luckier ones, who can still remain in their home but it got me thinking about how far along on my self-discovery journey I really am.

I recently participated in a communication workshop within the learning platform I share, and realised that no matter what challenges and circumstances I am faced with, I always have a choice. A choice to react and respond in ways that serve me or don't serve me.

Being on this self-discovery journey, supported by this collaborative community, has taught me to trust myself and look within for all the answers I am looking for.

The way in which the platform works is through the context created that says everything you want for yourself and your life is available by becoming laser focussed on who you are and providing value. But you've got to get clear on the value you provide to the world. 

What I realised was I was so busy looking out in the world for the past 40 years, when I should have been looking in the mirror. 

Your experiences have shaped and moulded you. You have become this unique individual who absolutely has something to offer this world. When is now the time to turn the microscope on you?

The birds are singing, I hear baby birds cheerfully singing tunes and together their songs are interlaced creating a masterpiece.

When did I first start paying attention and taking notice?

When did I wake up early of my own accord and feel excited at the prospect of just listening to the bird song?

When did I become present to the present moment?

I would say it started a long time ago, but this intentional learning journey began in February of 2020.

In late 2018 when I very nearly thought I would no longer be here.

In late 2005, when I participated in an experiential transformational education.

And when I was old enough to pick and choose books from my parents bookshelf.

Books opened up my eyes to new perspectives and little did I know that would be the foundations of who I have now become and who I know myself to be.

I’m not the smartest forty year old out there and I was never the smartest kid in school. I always felt slightly different and like I didn’t belong. I had trouble with pronouncing words I saw for the first time, my dad must have realised early on he would need to help and guide me.

My dad encouraged me to write letters to my extended family from about the age was of 10. This was the beginning of expressing myself and learning through repetition. It was artistic and creative and I couldn’t get marked high or low on a letter. It was genius really. He was instilling confidence in me. He was saying the more you practice, the better you’ll get.

When I was younger we would have spelling bees at the dining room table. It was great and the older I got the less we did this but I saw him repeat this with my siblings.

He would make me read the newspaper out loud to him. At that time I wanted to be a news broadcaster so he encouraged me to read like a tv news broadcaster.

He took me to the public library with him every other Saturday to stay and wander the shelves, read and borrow books. They were peaceful and for a little kid a wonderland of discovery, hunting for the next treasure.

When I was about 12, I can remember sourcing a lot of self help books on mum and dads bookshelf and I read each and every one of them.

Little did they or I realise the impact of all these little ways they were helping and guiding me to become this human being?

How will you turn the microscope on you and find these kinds of nuggets for yourself about your own life?

For me it took a committed listener, a collaborative community, mentorship and coaching, help and guidance, training and education.

Through the site you can click any link to subscribe to a series of beginner training. Exactly where I got my start.

What do I really mean here.

What I’m trying to tell you is that being brave is actually not something that is easy. Your jar of fear could be filled 100%.

Does that mean you don’t take bold action?

And the only reason I can say this is the experience is right here with me.

Every moment I put pen to paper. Every time I put myself out there. There is a lot of fear.

But the fear disappears when I realise the reason I’m doing what I’m doing isn’t just for me but to help and serve others who might be on a similar journey or struggling to find their purpose in the world or asking is there more to life than this or maybe already beginning the journey of an entrepreneur but ready to stretch themselves to make more of a difference in their business but beyond that to impact and change their communities and the world.

I’ve been struggling not so much with purpose but with my sense of self and worthiness and my current place in the world. I have all these labels of who I am and what I do. All these roles. But I got overwhelmed. I got tired. I broke down.

That was day one of remote working and remote schooling. But that’s not when this really started for me.

When I first became a mother, I didn’t know what I was doing. Who was I kidding. It started all the way back then this fear of failure. It was worse than just a fear, I actually believed I was failing.

How can it be - a fear of failure equals this feeling of I’m actually failing?

And at that time I didn’t ask for help. But I should have.
Back then I didn’t know that this is one of the signs of Post Natal Depression.

When I look back I can see a lot of different things about myself. I would cry. Just sit and cry. It was the loneliness and being alone. People were around me but I felt I was by myself.

I fell pregnant with my second child when my first child was just 8 months old. It started to get hard for me when I realised I’m going to have two of these humans running around, how am I going to cope, when I can’t even cope with one?

That kind of thinking started towards the end of my pregnancy but I also remember being very melancholic through out that pregnancy.

I felt an underlying anger and resentment actually. I felt controlled. Controlled by the circumstances that felt like I hadn’t chosen them. I felt as if this was just happening to me and I had no choice in the matter. At the time I felt trapped. I can see it from here now.

But back then it was the water I swam in and the air I breathed. I didn’t question it and think I needed help? I just accepted the dialogue that kept showing up.

I began to build a new identity when I started working again. But this is how easy it is to mask the stuff that’s right underneath the surface. I worked as a waitress for one of my mum’s restaurants. I kept myself busy, the eldest boy was in kindy at this stage I think.

One day I said to my husband when those boys grow up they’re going to leave me and that’s ok. I want to have a daughter who I will have an ongoing relationship with one day. I also shared something with him I’d never shared before. Those boys were not intentional pregnancies. I love them but I didn’t choose to become pregnant and nor was I potentially ready. This is the first time I want this which is to be pregnant of my choosing. I felt extremely empowered at this time, which indicates to me I must have been ok at this stage.

I painted a vivid picture of what the future would look like I said once pregnant and the baby was crawling and eating solids I would go back to full time work again. We had a baby girl as luck would have it. Because when you put it out there that this is what you want whilst it’s an intention you never really know if it’s going to eventuate and of course being pregnant means creating a baby of any gender. So when I say luck I mean it matched my intention.

I never felt this fear of failure come back until things with my eldest started to become difficult. I can’t even recall when it started but this sense of I’m not in control and I am powerless has sort of lingered I guess for the past three or so years.

I went to the local doctor (GP) who told me from 1-7 its all about mum but from 8-14 it’s all about dad. Something clicked and I realised how true that was but this still didn’t quash this feeling of failure.

Little did I realise that each and every single time something went wrong with my eldest I was associating as my fault. I mean he would get in trouble at school and I would blame myself for not setting him up to not get in trouble. For not being the kind of parent who gave him the right skills to cope at school. That’s a lot of burden right there I put on myself.

So this blog is not going to finish like it normally does.

I need to tell you that I’m seeing a psychologist to work on this stuff that’s sitting on my shoulders. It took something for me to be brave enough to book the appointment. I had the persons details for more than a year maybe even two years. I waited til I had numerous incidents occur. Once an incident occurred at work I knew something wasn’t right with me. And that gave me the strength and the willpower to pick up the phone. This is not right how I’m feeling and I need help.

You don’t have to suffer in silence and be alone with this. You need to open up and share and the best place to do that is with a qualified professional. You have to trust in the process and in yourself.

I waited forty years to be brave enough to get the real help I needed. Don’t wait forever. If your 3, 12, 17, 29 or 30 all times I should have asked for help but didn’t know how.

I had a self help book at home but it was only about first aid. It was a flow chart you answered a series of questions yes or no and it took you through to your answer - much in the way we use google now I suppose but this was a printed book. I remember distinctly turning to the index hoping to find the answers to my questions.

When I filled out the form with the psych I was very much scared and afraid. Of not what she had to say to me - if what would come out of my mouth. But I needn’t have been afraid or scared because once I started, it’s the truth, it’s the honest truth of my life.

What are you really afraid of? Could it be that once this is out, you’ll have no more excuses as to why you can’t take bold action? Could it be that this has paralysed you and if you’re no longer paralysed you’ll need to take responsibility for your life? Not like guilt, blame or shame but responsibility like honour and privilege. Time to take the reins? Steer in a new direction? One that aligns with who your know yourself to be? Not the stories, patterns and programming of your past?

My story is still uniquely unfolding. When I write these blogs I make a commitment to share with you whatever is coming up in the moment. It’s uncensored, it’s unedited and that’s why I called it first and last draft.

In high school I would get to the finish line of an essay or assignment only to discover I didn’t hit save and the computer crashed. This is how I learnt I had to trust whatever was in my mind to say for the first and last time because I didn’t have enough time to muck around in order to get my paper in on time.

That is the ethos of my page and my blogs. I write from my heart and share exactly what is coming up in the moment.

I have a Facebook page that I’m developing and I have an Instagram page I’m also building piece by piece. It takes me longer to do each platform because I’ve been disparate about it.

I manage the social media of my mum and dads restaurant also but this can be haphazard because I will post when I’m there.

What I’m wanting to share with you is that the platform I share gives me access to hundreds of resources and mentors who I can glean hints and tips from about the way in which I take my business.

This is invaluable to me. For me though a successfully crafted business can be the outcome of working on you first. How on earth can you realise your value to the world if you don’t first realise your value to you - to yourself?

So this is why I work on me and why I share with you everything that has helped me along the way.

Yours in every way cheering you on to take bold action. Hold fear’s hand she needs to be loved too.

This is how my world shows up for me.

I listen to the clues.

“So much to tell you”

So much to tell you - this whisper grows louder and I remember it’s a book I read as a child. Written by John Marsden.

But I also recognise it’s a clue. A clue for my own journey. It’s time for me to write my book, finally. Here I’ve been thinking it will be a book about my family and my ancestors.

I’ve been holding back and realise this book is actually for me to write about my own life. I really do have so much to tell you.

Why have I been holding back? Because I thought it would need to be a non fiction. I’d run out of things to say?

I have so much to tell you because I want you to be better than me. I want you to have the things I’ve only learnt about over time on my own.

You don’t have to do things on your own.

I want to encourage you to read. A lot. But pick up books for inspiration and creativity. The more you read the more you will realise you are learning not just about the story in the book, but the story of your own life and you’re learning more and more about yourself through learning about others.

This is for you my beautiful children and beyond you this is for you, world. Be great in the world meaning don’t be stopped, be the change you want to see.