For the past two days I have had dreams that are lifelike. I hear a vivid voice, its mine and its loud and clear.
Dear god please help me. Please guide me. Give me insight.
When I was younger, we had a really amazing religious education teacher. He would sing songs, he would share about all religions, truly a very inclusive approach. It was probably him that gave me my first access to praying. I was quite young when I remember praying on my own at home and without being told do it.
Mum and dad aren’t religious so to speak but my grandmother went to church and took me to Sunday school with her where I learnt about god but I also learned how to speak and write Chinese; Mandarin to be exact.
I remember when my parents fought, I would pray. I remember when I was unwell or anyone in the family was unwell I would pray. But I wasn’t consistent. Beyond that though, I definitely discovered the power of metta intentions by accident, on my own, and at the time not really knowing what it was.
My little sister would cry far away in another room. I would have conversations with her in my mind. I was sending a little message or vibration through to her and she was receiving it too because she responded each time. She would get louder or softer after receiving my message. I soon taught myself that this was something I should practice for things that were important.
So I eventually created a way to pray that was powerful for me through sending my message and vibration through to the world. My ability to send messages soon became my ability to receive messages.
At age 12, I believe this is the reason why I was upset and emotional. I was feeling the loss of my grandparents even though they had passed years before. I believe my praying had led me to begin a journey to discover what was important to me. My grandparents and the legacy they left for us was the beginning. It was like they were talking to me but I couldn’t hear them completely yet, the radio signal was not quite clear.
So today, I’m asking for help, guidance and insight.... maybe the message needs to be heard by me. Even though I’m the one asking for these things, maybe im the one who can provide help, guidance and insight?
I have told myself before that messages don’t work like they do in the movies. I was hearing my own voice speaking to myself. I recognised it as my own voice but often I would wonder how I knew to say what I said. You just have to identify what it is you are trying to say to yourself. Trust yourself. Trust your intuition.
Perhaps the reason I’m hearing myself pray and ask for help is actually because there are other people in the world asking for help, asking for guidance and asking for insight.
Maybe I’m not hearing myself. Maybe I’m hearing many other people. I’m a reflection of myself, but I’m also a reflection of others.
What I know has truly been in my way is self confidence and self belief.
I realise I have everything I need within me.
We have a gift called being a human being. The experiences we each have, our upbringing and backgrounds are all so unique and even every single decision we made and continue to make has a place in our story.
I often talk to my team about being a piece of the puzzle but this analogy can also be used for your life and for you - that each decision, each outcome is a piece of the puzzle making you who you are today. But what’s left for you to do is recognise the parts that are truly you.
Taking away everything that’s not you is easier than it sounds. You just have to be open and willing to see something you’ve never seen before.
I pray you will have courage and belief. I pray you will have self confidence and self belief. I pray this time, will be the time you take action everywhere there is inaction.
This looks like doing things that sound hard but when you take the step, realise it’s not that hard after all. This looks like being available to opportunity. This looks like being unchained from the patterns and programs of your past, by asking to see something you have never seen before about yourself and about your life.
Recognise yourself in the mirror, honour the ancestors that came before you, and vow to hear their whispers through your voice, the lessons to learn.
Something that is coming up. When I have a breakdown which means a conversation about myself that doesn’t serve me it doesn’t work to try and create from this place it feels like hard work and not a place of full self expression. Of course I need to work on breaking down the break down in the moment but because I’m growing it’s very likely I’m both having more breakdowns and self aware of the breakdowns more than usual.
I’ll share them but they’re not true they’re made up by a past me and I can’t quite catch them all but they’re all close to this. But that’s the trick you don’t have to find the exact - it just has you not fully free fully powerful and fully self expressed in the moment.
“I’m not good enough” - this one here I begin to believe
“You don’t trust me, you don’t respect me, you don’t listen to me, you think I’m stupid” - these ones here I fight against and so I become defensive in the conversation with the person I’m speaking to not knowing why (these are internal dialogues we have with ourselves in a split second because we decide something about what the person says).
When I then create from this place my self confidence is lacking my freedom is lacking my self expression is lacking my power is lacking.
My grandparents were brave, took risks, surrendered but never ever gave up, they persevered, worked hard and created a better life for us with little to nothing to their name coming here from another country. When I think about all of the sacrifices my ancestors made I think there is nothing I can’t do. Believe in yourself Ange as they did.
The possibility I’m creating for myself and my life is the possibility of being the source of my own light.
Inside this feeling is no need for external approval no need for external acknowledgment for it comes from within.
For so long I’ve been listening to you, my little voice and ive believed you.
I want it to know it’s ok - you were trying to protect me and thank you. I don’t need protecting anymore because we got this and we can do it. You can have a rest now. You must be tired. You must be so sick of defending me. I don’t need defending. I’m more than ok. Things are going to not just be ok. Things are changing and it’s ok. There is nothing wrong here. It’s just foreign and unfamiliar but I will look after you now and I’ll do so from a place of nothing is wrong. You just need to trust me. You are my light and I am yours. You are my source and I am yours. Be free. Be powerful. Be fully self expressed. Be bold. Be vivid. Be unflappable. Be unshakeable. Be yourself no matter what. Be vulnerable. Be open.
Believe in yourself. I love you little voice I want you to feel loved and I want you to know no one can hurt us because we are our own light.
In this exact moment I understand I am you you are me in a different way. The human in front of me, I am you you are me, the inner voice inside me, i am you you are me. This is vibrational this is causing me tingles throughout my whole body and I mainly feel it along my arms it’s ever so slight like my own light is shining around me and the light is tickling my arms.
Hi my name is Angela. I have loved writing since I was able to hold a pencil in my hand. I soon learnt I had a gift of connecting with my ancestors through writing before my 30th birthday.