What makes a relationship?

Yesterday, I observed the relationship sister and brother and mother/daughter, father/daughter and I wondered; what makes a relationship?

Is it because we are blood relations? Is that what makes a relationship?

Sometimes we can put more emphasis on how we think the relationship should be that we can’t see the forest for the trees?

What do I mean? I mean we are so busy pretending to be in a relationship, we forget we are actually in a relationship.

You have to work on it. You have to build up an investment in your emotional bank account with each individual.

I think it’s much much easier to explain the beginning of a friendship and how it might unfold.

You say hello and smile. Another individual says hello and smiles back. You are open and you are not expecting of anything. You’re building little connections, little bridges til you meet in the middle.

You’re sharing a part of yourself, about who you are and this individual is listening to how you see yourself and vice versa.

Together you’re finding common ground in your conversation and at some point it transitions from forming a friendship to becoming a relationship.

A relationship is not static or fixed, it’s always changing and adapting and learning and growing.

But a relationship is active, both parties need to be present to have a relationship. For example, if one party is asleep and the other is talking then that’s not a relationship.

The emotional bank account is all about how safe you feel with the other person, it’s about building trust.

With family, it can be easy to forget that you need to invest in the relationship. You need to spend time with one another, to get to know each other brand newly, just like the brand new friendship. Participate in learning something new together.

When something happens and the communication breaks down, you can clearly have a look at your emotional bank account to see where you might have fallen short.

What deposits have I made lately?

What withdrawals have I made?

Time to do some account keeping and balancing and figure out where I’m at in each of my relationships.

Next is to realise that even as relationships are always changing, we as individuals are always changing.

When it comes to relationships, how resilient are you?