Something that is coming up. When I have a breakdown which means a conversation about myself that doesn’t serve me it doesn’t work to try and create from this place it feels like hard work and not a place of full self expression. Of course I need to work on breaking down the break down in the moment but because I’m growing it’s very likely I’m both having more breakdowns and self aware of the breakdowns more than usual.
I’ll share them but they’re not true they’re made up by a past me and I can’t quite catch them all but they’re all close to this. But that’s the trick you don’t have to find the exact - it just has you not fully free fully powerful and fully self expressed in the moment.
“I’m not good enough” - this one here I begin to believe
“You don’t trust me, you don’t respect me, you don’t listen to me, you think I’m stupid” - these ones here I fight against and so I become defensive in the conversation with the person I’m speaking to not knowing why (these are internal dialogues we have with ourselves in a split second because we decide something about what the person says).
When I then create from this place my self confidence is lacking my freedom is lacking my self expression is lacking my power is lacking.
My grandparents were brave, took risks, surrendered but never ever gave up, they persevered, worked hard and created a better life for us with little to nothing to their name coming here from another country. When I think about all of the sacrifices my ancestors made I think there is nothing I can’t do. Believe in yourself Ange as they did.
The possibility I’m creating for myself and my life is the possibility of being the source of my own light.
Inside this feeling is no need for external approval no need for external acknowledgment for it comes from within.
For so long I’ve been listening to you, my little voice and ive believed you.
I want it to know it’s ok - you were trying to protect me and thank you. I don’t need protecting anymore because we got this and we can do it. You can have a rest now. You must be tired. You must be so sick of defending me. I don’t need defending. I’m more than ok. Things are going to not just be ok. Things are changing and it’s ok. There is nothing wrong here. It’s just foreign and unfamiliar but I will look after you now and I’ll do so from a place of nothing is wrong. You just need to trust me. You are my light and I am yours. You are my source and I am yours. Be free. Be powerful. Be fully self expressed. Be bold. Be vivid. Be unflappable. Be unshakeable. Be yourself no matter what. Be vulnerable. Be open.
Believe in yourself. I love you little voice I want you to feel loved and I want you to know no one can hurt us because we are our own light.
In this exact moment I understand I am you you are me in a different way. The human in front of me, I am you you are me, the inner voice inside me, i am you you are me. This is vibrational this is causing me tingles throughout my whole body and I mainly feel it along my arms it’s ever so slight like my own light is shining around me and the light is tickling my arms.
Hi my name is Angela. I have loved writing since I was able to hold a pencil in my hand. I soon learnt I had a gift of connecting with my ancestors through writing before my 30th birthday.