Here are a series of questions to help you first recognise your patterns and programs and then find a way to reprogram.
Give yourself grace and forgiveness as you go through these.
This is not about making you wrong. There is nothing wrong here.
It is about seeing that you did the best you could with what you knew. Your parental figures did the best they could with what they knew. Now you are your own parental figure, how will you teach yourself in ways your original parental figures missed?
The first step is to know you always have a choice of how and what to think. Try to set aside what you know. Open your heart and your mind as you begin.
How am I at the effect of something or someone outside of me? In other words am I having an emotional response to something or someone?
In what ways is fight flight or freeze my comfort zone?
In what ways am I trying to control something or someone I have no control over?
How does the situation that has unfolded really make me feel? What am I truly feeling underneath the initial reaction or response?
When was the last time you became aware of your inner dialogue, your inner voice? What is he or she saying right now about the situation that has unfolded?
Wind it right back, what is this situation reminding you of that has you so wound up or reactive or stunned or wanting to disappear? It will be something from your past, not what is currently happening in the present.
How did that incident make you feel? Go there and look underneath the reaction or response and really get present to how you really felt.
How can you empathise with your past self? How can you truly demonstrate reflective listening for your past self?
Can you let go? Can you forgive? To forgive is not to forget but what if in your interpretation of what happened, is why you are also now stuck wherever you are. Can you forgive that you are a reaction or response to your interpretation of what happened?
Forgive so you can get an access right now to freedom.
What are you left with? Has the reaction and response subsided? If not you’ve more work to do to let go and forgive. Can you do this for yourself? For your inner child?
When you’re feeling stopped or stuck, get out of your mind. Fill your mind with beauty. Take your patterns and programs of conversations out of your mind. You’ve been playing these old tapes for so long now, you know the words but now, you want to fill your mind with new music. Music you consciously choose.
I recommend consciously participating in your self development. Which means taking yourself out of your comfort zone.
I recommend physical exercise. Something simple you can do every day. I began running in nature.
I recommend taking up meditation. I began with guided meditations.
I recommend green play or green time where you sit and be still within nature. Your task if you choose to accept it, is to see beyond what you normally see. Listen to all the sounds around you. Notice how you cannot control the things around you. With this in mind, notice also in nature the sounds are just arising. The trees are moving with the wind. In the morning when you wake up just sit and be still and be present to what you can hear. There is beauty in nature and it can teach you much more than you realise.
I also recommend changing your environment. If you struggle with how you’re going to do this on your own, I recommend joining a likeminded community that is on the same journey as you, able to support you, able to be a reflective mirror of all that is arising in life.
Being at the source of a created life means you are someone who is willing to take 100% responsibility for all that shows up in life. Let what arises be your life lessons. What is this moment teaching you?
You are not fixed. You are learning and growing everyday.
I began my own self discovery journey a very long time ago but I’ve been able to be at the source of my own transformations much more frequently since being part of a likeminded community through a learning platform and unlikely place called building an online business from scratch.
How might this be the beginning of uncovering the best version of you?
What can you be grateful for in your life? I am thankful for living and being alive, for in late 2018 I was given a second chance at life but you don’t need to wait til something drastic happens to you before you realise just how precious this journey is. Honour yourself, if not you, honour your parents or your grandparents. Find something or someone outside of yourself to honour and be grateful for their sacrifices and struggles. Would they want you to suffer right now?
Hi my name is Angela. I have loved writing since I was able to hold a pencil in my hand. I soon learnt I had a gift of connecting with my ancestors through writing before my 30th birthday.