Are you someone who lacks confidence?
Is afraid to reach out and connect in case you say the wrong thing that you end up saying nothing at all?
Because of that, do you avoid looking at people because you don’t want them to see you?
You don’t want to be put on the spot and not know what to say in the moment nor be the first one to say hi?
I’m going to hazard a guess that you’re introverted and your parents used to do the talking for you? And ps, you let them?
Did you know whether introverted or extroverted, us humans are a little of both on a scale. Although I naturally show up extroverted, I’m also on the scale for introverted too.
It just means we’re on a scale and we’re not fixed. Perhaps we are one way depending on the dynamic of people around us.
Michael Grinder has another great perspective of cats and dogs to describe visually for us the way we are with people and our communication.
Cats are independent leave me alone, I’ll come near you when I’m ready and Dogs are people pleasers look at me, pat me, play with me, let’s go for a walk etc.
But in different dynamics whether it’s home or work we might switch up the roles we play. If you’re dog like behaviour at work you might be cat like behaviour at home.
And this is where I want you to look from in relation to being introverted and extroverted and if you’ve been told for your whole life that you’re quiet, shy etc this is also a pattern of programming that has occurred over time that you’ve just started to believe it.
Have a look at the number of times you’ve been able to open up and authentically be you with others in your life. What made the difference and who are these people for you?
Usually building one on one relationships is the way to go. You can only ever build one to one relationships, right?
Here is where I’m going to share how you can be related to literally anyone in your life. You ready?
Relatedness has everything to do with understanding yourself first. Understanding who you are and what is important to you. Then what it takes is for you to be open and vulnerable.
When you are this way to the people in your life, it will open up a space for them to be open and vulnerable with you.
This takes trust.
I know you haven’t trusted other people for some time now. But what if I told you it’s time to trust yourself?
I do trust myself.
If you do and I mean genuinely do then there will be nothing in your way, no space between you and another person. No conversation in your head that will get in your way of connecting with the other person.
If there is a conversation about it then you’re not quite there yet.
To get yourself out of the way is to say the thoughts and feelings you have about this person and the way the conversation will go is untrue and just your thoughts and feelings.
Have you ever had an experience where you walked yourself through all the likely scenarios usually worse case and even worse again was the picture you painted in your head for what could happen and then you went in to the conversation and nothing at all like you had imagined actually transpired???!!!
Yes, cos it’s your thoughts and feelings based on the past making up these stories in your head about what could happen.
When you can let go of the stories of your past, you will literally come in to the conversation with nothing. Nothing between you and the other person. You can start the conversation fresh each time. You can connect and build your relationship. Be curious ask questions and in being curious ask questions you want to know the answers for, as there is no point asking them, if all you’ll do is fake listen. That there will not build the relationship. Be present and be interested in the person because you want to build the relationship.
Try it at home first and then at work and gradually you’ll come to find that as human beings we have a lot in common. As you get to the know the people in your life, you will come to hear something you have never heard before.
You will fall in love with them brand newly, like never before and when you do, you will discover that you can repeat this with another person, and another person and another person.
There really is no secret to this, it is just about acknowledging the individual for what they want to be acknowledged for and create the acknowledgement in your listening and in your speaking.
The more you create love in your life, the more it will arise. This is how you let love in. Let me know how you go.
Hi my name is Angela. I have loved writing since I was able to hold a pencil in my hand. I soon learnt I had a gift of connecting with my ancestors through writing before my 30th birthday.