On Sunday, a good friend calls to say hi and that they’ve made me a jar of something and wants to give it to me. Not just give that to me but visit and spoil me at work even!
At first, I am a certain way of being. Not realising and not aware of this way of being.
On the following Tuesday, I realised the last time I accepted a gift freely without needing to reciprocate was when I was pregnant with my second child and a complete stranger to me, was a work colleague of my husband, gave us a baby seat. I was brought to tears because I had realised that people cared about us and would show their love and care for us in many different ways. But also I had a story that I was an imposition or how not to be an imposition on others.
I was always thinking of making things easier for others and that included me sorting them out even though they were offering to do something nice for me....
So I was honest with this friend and told them that what’s in the way for me was a story of being an imposition and not wanting to be an imposition. I said I’m letting it go and gave freely my work address and said whenever it works and suits come along.
What this makes available is an opening. I said what I’m committed to which is being open to receiving and giving love. And the friend also shared their own story and what’s been in their way in the past. You don’t realise the opening is not just for you, the opening is for the other individual in the equation too.
By being vulnerable and honest, open and transparent, you don’t know what is possible.
On this Tuesday, I also had what appeared a disagreement with my husband. I distinguished that all that was there for me was I want the best for us both but I didn’t have a chance to say that in the busyness of the tennis conversation. I’m sure you know these are the backs and fourths of our automatic machinery of being human.
Later, I rang him and said I just want us to create what we want in our lives. Our conversations need to shift to creating more of what we want. For example, if what we want is peace and harmony then we need to talk about that more and how that is going to look for us in reality. Bringing more power to the things we feel powerless about means being clear about what we’re willing to put up with. We shouldn’t even need to put up with anything. We should be talking about how we want our lives to look.
Next minute, an opening arises for him to speak freely, candidly and I’ve never heard him be so honest and frank. He finally got his words out. And I was finally listening to really listen, not to solve, fix etc.
Ask open questions. Realise how you feel. How they feel. Who is the one feeling helpless or powerless in the moment, let that one feel heard. How you feel has a direct impact on how they feel and vice versa but when you can hear what’s really going on you can realise it’s not you and it’s not about you. You can be free in the conversation and you can find a way in your open communication and open questions to hear the undelivered communication and ask questions.
When the individual feels gotten they will find their own way, their own solution, they already know what they need to do, they just needed to hear how they can trust themselves and have the courage to do the things they fear the most.
Being willing to look at yourself and be self aware really takes something. I have participated in a number of learning and development. But the access to applying all my previous frameworks was being willing to look at myself. Frameworks allow you to duplicate the how for yourself. Having coaches and mentors and friendships around you where they also hear you bigger than you know yourself is hugely important. You want the right messages in front of you everyday driving you to see yourself in other ways, ways you’ve never related to before.
But in doing so look at what you make available for yourself. You are letting love in, in these moments.
If you are ready to pursue a pathway that is going to lead to finding out who you really are and what you want your life to be about, just click one of the links on this page.
EDIT: At the end of the working week, the friend visited me at work, surprised me with a bunch of flowers and a box filled with goodies for everyone in my work pod including me. You really don't know know what is available or possible until you do. I took them for a tour and showed them things I knew would touch their heart. We spoke about the difference we want to make in the world and where our two circles can meet and land. Its the place where our two purposes align and cross over, that's where there is possibility within possibility and you discover another gear, another level of what you're made of. Don't push people away because you are afraid of them finding out who you really are. Let yourself find out who you really are, through these connections and reflections of a side of you, you have never let yourself see before. When you give yourself permission to discover who you really are and what you want your life to be about, more of what you want starts to show up in and around you.
Hi my name is Angela. I have loved writing since I was able to hold a pencil in my hand. I soon learnt I had a gift of connecting with my ancestors through writing before my 30th birthday.