Finding myself

This blog has been repurposed from what I shared within the online business mentoring community I am a member of.

How I feel is pure and true for me and I want to share my journey more broadly with an intention to help other people feel empowered in circumstances where they feel stopped or stuck.

What I have been doing is avoiding looking at the things that don’t work for me. But I’m also on a journey to finding myself. I launched this journey to find myself through a learning platform (which delves beyond business journey to personal journey and back again). Through the platform, I’ve been furiously at work to develop myself in all of the areas of my life that I feel don’t work for me.

Sometimes, within your journey unexpected stuff gets thrown at you and you think it’s not part of your journey. It is these unexpected curve balls that arrive and they will test you. But they are the clues or the crumbs to finding who you really are and what you’re all about. So here’s my curve ball or curve balls.

You could say I’ve been absent and generally not present, dealing with myself and dealing with the reality of my life. If you asked me on May 13 if I was ok I would say no I’m not. Today, I can see I’ve had the biggest growth in my journey to date. Even if it feels like you’re not forwarding yourself in life, the personal journey stuff actually is your bread and butter. It’s what makes your journey unique. And it’s where you stand with credibility and can speak from a place of authority.

I haven’t got it all figured out but here is what I have so far. Sharing with you first will help me design my journey moving forward so thank you first and foremost that you exist.

So first my anxiety built up it was building and building and I felt it. I was not ok. I was on a teleconference and burst into tears. What I got to was a breaking point in my experience at home. Multiple triggers: remote working, remote schooling, three kids under 11, three lots of emotional bubbles well, plus my own and upholding this role of professional/personal mother/teacher/provider/giver of love combusted.

Then I asked for help from my family from people I feel psychologically safe with. I took one day for myself to heal. I took a day to get coaching re parenting.

When I thought great I’m on the path to succeeding and another blow. We went to a friends for a bbq and my eldest and their youngest got into a physical fight which I broke off. I stood and held my son because I knew I needed to help him to manage his emotions. A lot of drama was happening in and around me. I slowed time. I said what I needed to not in fight or flight mode. The damage is done now though. I have said my piece to try and resolve it but the milestone for me is being able to be powerful in the face of all of this. Whether the friendship remains or not I know that I’m showing my children through my parenting that within my parenting they are always safe, that I’ll always help them through their emotions, I won’t abandon them and leave them to figure it out on their own, I won’t punish them when they’re already punishing themselves, I’ll talk through it with them, I’ll guide them, teach them, share stories with them where they will come to the realisation themselves that there are other ways to deal with your emotions and other ways to resolve conflict.

A good friend and the coach In this story and I will be writing a book about parenting.

This is not just any book. This is the must have parenting book you needed before having kids but it’s also never too late. Do you want to know why it’s never too late? Because you’re reading this, you’re willing to take yourself on, so I’m willing to bet you’ve been working on yourself to be a better human being, you will be able to use those same skills to be a better parent. You’ve just never looked through this colourful and fun kaleidoscope before.

What if told you - you’ll have more fun. More fun than ever before? What if told you, you’ll be the carefree kid you once were every single day. That’s why we say we can’t adult today. We can’t adult because we wish we were a kid again. For the lack of worries and stress. The lack of responsibilities? The freedom? Being carefree?

What’s the one job of a kid????....

To have fun?

That’s right!

That’s it!

They didn’t even want to go to sleep because they were having too much fun. They are so excited to get up super early because theyre so ready for the fun of the day.

So tell me already! What’s the secret?

I suppose you’ll just have to find out soon the how but know that parenting doesn’t have to be painful and a power struggle. You just have to set new rules to a new game they’ve never played before.

See you soon to master this thing called being a human being in a role called being a parent but accessing freedom and fun at every opportunity.

To my family and friends and all of my people (you’ve all helped me to get to this place in anything and everything you’ve shared with me it’s landed on me and here is where I am at right now xxxx)

Since writing this blog, I have discovered more and more about myself. I created these unattainable high expectations of myself. Things around me that were showing up, were just not a match for what I envisioned for my life. I realised, I was the heart of the change. I created the view. I could create another view. I am on this journey to better myself. Im the one who took myself to task, willing to turn myself inside out to create the life I want and the life I want to lead.  

Everything I wanted was inside of me the whole time. I just needed someone to point the microscope at me and tell me the gold is within and create the context for me through the learning platform, through the collaborative community, through mentorship, guidance, coaching and transparent leadership.

The reason I share is because part of my finding myself was also realising I see the gold in others. And in seeing the gold in others I have the capacity to empower others to discover what they want for themselves and their lives.

If you want to find out more about the learning platform that gave me access to finding myself just reach out at one or any of the links. At first it looks like everything else you’ve ever seen before. I can attest to it is nothing like you have ever seen before. I was looking for mentorship and personal growth and I found it in an unlikely place called building an online business from scratch.